Weekend Listomania: Special "Fuck That 'Newspaper of Record' Shit" Edition

Okay, by now all you guys have had a look at last weekend's New York Times The 30 Greatest Living American Songwriters list...

...and had either a good mordant chuckle at its lameness or else a moment when you threw up in your mouth a little. (Jay-Z? Really?).

In any case, I think we can all agree that it was meant to be provocative, in the sleazy click-bait sense, so it probably really isn't worth the effort to make fun of it.

But I'm gonna try anyway.

You know -- just because. 😎

So here, and to be consumed with a large grain of salt, is my take on the subject.

Oh wait -- before we get going...I would be remiss not to mention that the Times omitted Neil Young and Joni Mitchell on the grounds that they were born in Canada. Uh, sorry Times -- they've lived here and done all their work here for like 60 years. I mean, c'mon -- the people who wrote "Ohio" and "Woodstock" obviously qualify as Americans.

And one final note: Jay-Z is on the cover of the actual physical copies of the magazine; online, the cover person is Taylor Swift. Make of that what you will.

And now, with that spleen vented, let's get to work!

TOP 10 BEST AMERICAN SONGWRITERS INEXPLICABLY/CRIMINALLY OMITTED FROM THE TIMES LIST

And in no particular order (except at the end where number 2 and number 1 are basically a tie) they are...

10. John Fogerty

How many great songs has this guy written?

9. John Sebastian

Hey, what can I tell ya -- if you don't think those guys were one of the greatest American bands ever there's no hope for you.

8. Jackson Browne

And just for the record (as it were) I should mention that sometime before I die I am gonna do a Stones-ish cover of that song somewhere.

7. James Taylor

Pop Quiz: How many people spent hours weeping over that album in their college dorm room?

6. Tom Waits

Wow. All that and Keith Richards (guitar and vocals) too.

5. Paul Westerberg

Paul's omission probably pisses me off more than any of the others, if truth be told. I mean, the Times included a nose to the ground commercial hack like Diane fucking Warren instead of him?

4. Gerry Devine

Okay, I'm obviously joking here, but not completely. I mean, I'll say it again -- the Times included Diane fucking Warren?

3. "Weird Al" Yankovic

He's the greatest pop music satirist since Tom Lehrer. I think that qualifies him.

2. Billy Joel

Oh, so being the Irving Berlin of his generation wasn't enough to get Joel onto the list? Fuck that shit.

And the Number One it's-so-embarrassing-he-didn't-make-the-list-instead-of-Diane-fucking-Warren guy is...

1. Randy Newman

Two other words: "Sail Away."

Alrighty then -- who would YOUR choices be?

And have a great weekend, everybody!!!