Weekend Listomania: Special "Fuck That 'Newspaper of Record' Shit" Edition

Okay, by now all you guys have had a look at last weekend's New York Times The 30 Greatest Living American Songwriters list...

...and had either a good mordant chuckle at its lameness or else a moment when you threw up in your mouth a little. (Jay-Z? Really?).

In any case, I think we can all agree that it was meant to be provocative, in the sleazy click-bait sense, so it probably really isn't worth the effort to make fun of it.

But I'm gonna try anyway.

You know -- just because. 😎

So here, and to be consumed with a large grain of salt, is my take on the subject.

Oh wait -- before we get going...I would be remiss not to mention that the Times omitted Neil Young and Joni Mitchell on the grounds that they were born in Canada. Uh, sorry Times -- they've lived here and done all their work here for 60s years. I mean, c'mon -- the people who wrote "Ohio" and "Woodstock" obviously qualify as Americans.

And one final note: Jay-Z is on the cover of the actual physical copies of the magazine; online, the cover person is Taylor Swift. Make of that what you will.

And now, with that spleen vented, let's get to work!

TOP 10 BEST AMERICAN SONGWRITERS INEXPLICABLY/CRIMINALLY OMITTED FROM THE TIMES LIST

And in no particular order (except at the end where number 2 and number 1 are basically a tie) they are...

10. John Fogerty

How many great songs has this guy written?

9. John Sebastian

Hey, what can I tell ya -- if you don't think those guys were one of the greatest American bands ever there's no hope for you.

8. Jackson Browne

And just for the record (as it were) I should mention that sometime before I die I am gonna do a Stones-ish cover of that song somewhere.

7. James Taylor

Pop Quiz: How many people spent hours weeping over that album in their college dorm room?

6. Tom Waits

Wow. All that and Keith Richards (guitar and vocals) too.

5. Paul Westerberg

Paul's omission probably pisses me off more than any of the others, if truth be told. I mean, the Times included a nose to the ground commercial hack like Diane fucking Warren instead of him?

4. Gerry Devine

Okay, I'm obviously joking here, but not completely. I mean, I'll say it again -- the Times included Diane fucking Warren?

3. "Weird Al" Yankovic

He's the greatest pop music satirist since Tom Lehrer. I think that qualifies him.

2. Billy Joel

Oh, so being the Irving Berlin of his generation wasn't enough to get Joel onto the list? Fuck that shit.

And the Number One it's-so-embarrassing-he-didn't-make-the-list-instead-of-Diane-fucking-Warren guy is...

1. Randy Newman

Two other words: "Sail Away."

Alrighty then -- who would YOUR choices be?

And have a great weekend, everybody!!!

Help Wanted

Okay, this is NOT one of those snarky musician photo funnies I've been posting lately. This is an actual flyer I saw on a lamp post near my digs in Forest Hills last weekend. And I lack the words to tell you how wonderful it makes me feel, and for a myriad of reasons.

Click on the photo to enlarge it, BTW.

LOCAL YOUNG ROCK BAND SEEKS BASS PLAYER

Hello. We are Bad Vintage. We are a young (high school and early college) local rock band comprised of a singer/guitar player and a drummer. We have been playing shows around Queens and Brooklyn but we lost our bass player recently so if you are a young bass player (if you can sing a little harmony that's a big plus) and you want to play some rock and roll, please reach out and let's talk.

Some things we love: the songwriting of the Rolling Stones, the style of Bowie, T-Rex/Bolan and English glam, the awesomeness of John Bonham and maybe a little old school Van Halen party vibe.

Wow. My kind of guys, obviously. I mean, c'mon -- if I was a little closer to my teenage years, I would have answered the above on the spot.

In any case, if anybody reading this is a bass player in both their neighborhood and demographic, you can get in touch with them via email at badvintagebandsearch@proton.me. And you can find out more about them over at instagram.com/bad_vintage_.

BTW -- I just heard from the guys; they sent me an audio clip of one of their original songs, which was terrific, and even better, a live video of them covering the Stones' "Miss You" at a bar around the corner from where I live (it's the smallest world in the world, right?). The short version is they look and sound like the kind of band you would have encountered at some Bowery dive in the early '70s (which, for reasons obvious to any longtime readers, is high praise in my book) and I'm now a total fan; as soon as I can figure out how to embed either clip, I'll post them and you can see and hear what I'm talking about.

Have I mentioned I love Forest Hills? 😎

Bette Sings Woody Guthrie

Words fail me.

Except -- I love, nay, lurve that woman. 😎

Regular apolitical postings, more in keeping with the theme of this here blog, resume on the morrow.

[h/t Gummo]

Tuesday's Music-Themed Cartoon Chuckles and Photo-Funnies

In the interests of full disclosure, I interviewed Wakeman over an expensive lunch sometime in the '70s, and he was the most unpretentious and hilariously funny rock star I ever encountered. 😎

Post-Vacation Wrap-Up: The Hell With the Umbrellas of Cherbourg -- I Got to See the Records Stores of France!!!

Specifically this one in Nice...

...and this one in Paris.

We were treated very kindly (considering we were Americans, if you know what I mean) in both stores, and both of them had fabulous assortments of vintage music. In Nice, a certain Shady Dame scored a vinyl copy of this way cool 1972 import Rolling Stones compilation...

...which has all their best early blues stuff, while aux Paris yours truly snagged CD versions of a fab EP by The Detroit Cobras and a three-disc box of the complete works of The Traveling Wilburys.

As I meant to imply, both stores were great, but Crocodisc in Paris was particularly cool in that it's been open in the same location -- across the street from the Sorbonne(!!!) -- since 1978. (For more info about the place, you can check out their website over HERE).

I should add that, alas, neither store had the French vinyl EP that I was most yearning to score a copy thereof...

...but that is, as they say, une autre histoire. 😎

Anyway, I'm back; regular less obviously self-indulgent postings resume on the morrow.

La Fin de La Semaine Essay Question: Special "La Crèmes de la Crèmes " Edition

Okay, we're back -- safe and sound and both physically and spiritually refreshed -- from our vacation in France.

And consequently raring to go with more of the insouciant postings you've come to expect from this here blog.

Which leads us inexorably to today's business. To wit:

...and the members of a freaking fantastic supergroup you would assemble from currently alive pop/rock/folk/jazz/pop/r&b musicians -- of any gender or age -- would be...???

Discuss.

BTW, kudos to a certain Shady Dame of my acquaintance for giving me the above idea. As usual, she's working cheap, I'll tell you that for free.

And in case you're wondering -- my candidates for such a supergroup would be these guys.

I bring all this up because, as somebody pointed out to me recently, we haven't had any supergroups in what seems like ages, so certainly the time is ripe.

I mean seriously -- can you imagine how great those dudes would be together as a band, even in their current ancient states?

Alrighty then -- who would YOUR choices be?

And have a great weekend, everybody!!!

Closed for Monkey Business À la Française: Special "Le Retour" Edition

Okay, we -- by which I mean moi and a certain Dame Louche -- are winging our way back from our French vacation today.

And frankly, I'm beat. So cut me some slacques, Jacques. 😎

Regular postings -- including one of the coolest Weekend Essay questions ever (on a conceptual level) -- resume on the morrow.

Okay, This is Getting Ridiculous. Why Aren't These Kids the Biggest Stars in the World?

Alright, I don't have to tell faithful readers of this here blog how great The Mona Lisa Twins are.

But their brand new cover of my favorite Peter Gabriel song just blows me away.

Uh guys -- would you please play live somewhere in the USA so I can see you before I die?

Thank you.

Today's Music-Themed Cartoon Chuckles and Photo-Funny

The Patti Smith one seems like we could have actually seen it somewhere in France. But no -- found it on the net, and I think it's NYC. 😎

These Kids Today, With Their Loud Hair and Their Long Music (an Occasional Series): Special "Sex With Your Dad?" Edition

From their just released LP(!) horseshoe, please enjoy fab/gear LA indie snark-pop duo Beaming and their wonderfully wiseass lead-off single "Bugbite."

The band describes it thusly...

"Rock-n-roll in a fun guitar tuning. This is a song about finding balance in a relationship and figuring out your capacities and willingness to give."

...which strikes me as pretty accurate, although I feel compelled to add that a) the video is one of the most hilarious things I've seen in ages and that b) I am totally in love with the gal with the New Yawk accent who says "Riddle me that." 😎

You can find out more about those guys, and hear more of their music, over at their official website HERE.