Weekend Listomania (Special New Sensations Video Edition)

Well, it's Friday and you know what that means. Yes, my Oriental flunky Hop-Sing and I are off to Georgetown, Texas, where we'll be taking part in a Writers Retreat hosted by the incomparable Allen Butler, author of such literary triumphs as How to Care For Your Eye Glasses. Could be a hot one, especially if a certain Swiss runway model shows up with her beard. (That's an actual beard, not an escort, by the way).

But in any case, as a result, posting by moi will necessarily be somewhat fitful for a few days.

But until then, as always, here's a fun project for you all to contemplate:

BEST POST-ELVIS POP/ROCK SONG OR RECORD WHOSE TITLE REFERENCES ONE (OR MORE) OF THE FIVE SENSES!!!

Totally arbitrary rule: No song with the actual word "senses" in the title need apply. So you know which XTC track, for example, needs to get the fuck outta here.

Pained confession: You'll note that a certain Who song from Tommy didn't make the cut. Look, I love the Who, and I think on balance Tommy holds up pretty well, but the fact of the matter is I'm just sick to fucking death of the song in question and really don't care if I ever hear it again as I begin the long slow decline on the way to becoming worm fodder. Sorry.

Okay, that said, here's my totally top of my head Top Ten.

10. What I Can't Hear, Touch, Taste, Smell or See Can't Hurt Me (Death By Stereo)



For obvious reasons, not the least of which is I wanted something written in this century. There's no video of it, but the above is the band's charmingly monikered "Don't Piss On My Neck," which is perhaps stylistically related.

9. A Taste of Honey (The Beatles)



This song, and the Fab's more or less simultaneous cover of "Till There Was You," were what motivated first generation rock crit Richard Meltzer to refer to Paul as "the weakest link, at all stages of their career." Of course, Meltzer is a bit of an asshole....

9. Smell the Glove (Spınal Tap)



Not actually a song, but what the hell. Is there a better fake album title in all of pop music? I think no!!!!

8. I Can Hear Music (The Beach Boys)



A Ronettes cover, IIRC. In any case, produced and sung by the late great Carl Wilson, and all the proof you need that Brian wasn't the only big talent in the group.

7. I Can Hear the Grass Grow (The Move)



Early Roy Wood, and what an amazing band -- with the four singers up front, they were almost a Brit Moby Grape. Note bass player Ace Kefford on the far left, AKA The Singing Skull.

6. Cum On Feel the Noize (Slade)



See, also: Quiet Riot, Oasis, numerous commercials. Okay, I realize that "feel" isn't actually one of the five senses, but tough noogies.

5. A tie --

I Hear You Knocking (Dave Edmunds)



Dave channels Smiley Lewis. It will perhaps not come as a shock to anyone that John Lennon adored this record.

and

Can't You Hear Me Knocking (The Rolling Stones)



Mick Taylor channels Carlos Santana. A fabulous solo anyway.

4. See the Sky About to Rain (The Byrds)



Gene Clark sings Neil Young, which turns out to be a pretty good idea. One of the two or three really brilliant cuts from the otherwise disappointing 1973 Byrds reunion album.

3. I Touch Myself (The Divinyls)



In Woody Allen's immortal phrase, the great thing about masturbation is that you don't have to look your best. Although I've always though Christina Amphlett was pretty darn cute in the video....

2. That Smell (Lynyrd Skynyrd)



Given the plane crash, an amazingly prescient song. What -- you've never made the same joke?

And the number one coolest, it's not even a contest so let's just get to it already, song with one of the senses in the title is -----

1. I Can See For Miles (The Who)



If memory serves, the first known appearance of the term "power pop" was in a British music paper (Melody Maker, probably) review of this, circa late '66. Four decades later, it's still the song that pretty much defines the genre, come to think of it...

Awrighty then -- what would your choices be?

Shameless blogwhore: My parallel movie Listomania is up over at Box Office. If you could see your way to commenting over there, it might convince management that I actually know what the hell I'm doing.