Weekend Listomania (Special Three Chords and a Cloud of Dust! Audio/Video Edition)

Well, it's Friday and you know what that means.Yes, my Oriental non-dairy creamer Fah Lo Suee and I are off to....

And at this point I was going to make a joke involving the Ohio state legislature that's inviting a fetus to testify at an anti-abortion hearing (this is for real, in case you haven't been paying attention) and how there's a part of me that (perversely) wishes Senor Wences was doing the voice. But the stunt is just so infuriatingly stupid and, frankly, depraved that sarcasm really isn't a sufficient response. And so, to every one of the Republican pols behind this crap I will thus simply say -- go fuck yourself, you miserable misogynist ghouls.

Okay, and without that out of the way, and because things will more than likely be a little quiet around here till we return, here's a fun little project to help fill the empty areas in our lives:

Best or Worst Post-Elvis Pop/Rock Song Referencing Rapidity of Locomotion in Either the Title or Lyrics!!!

Speed (not the drug) or fast stuff, in other words, and no arbitrary rules that I can think of at the moment.

And my totally top of my head Top Five is/are:

5. Adam Schmitt -- Speed Kills




Pop perfection. Why this guy isn't a household word is beyond me.

4. Steppenwolf -- Faster Than the Speed of Life




From their second album (one of the most underrated artifacts of the late 60s, believe it or not) and written by the same guy who penned "Born to Be Wild." I actually kind of prefer it, if truth be told.

3. Pat Boone -- Speedy Gonzalez



This one's really so objectionable on so many levels I almost don't know where to begin. Not as bad as Pat's heavy metal album, though, so that's something.

2. The Dictators -- Young, Fast, Scientific



These guys are way overrated, IMHO, and the song ain't so hot. Great title, though.

And the Numero Uno blink-your-eyes-and-you'll-miss-it track of them all simply hast to be...

1. The Stimulators -- Loud Fast Rules!



For obvious reasons, obviously.

Alrighty then -- what would your choices be?