Friday, April 08, 2016

The Return of Weekend Listomania: Special Were These Jokes Predicted By Nostradamus? Video Edition

Well, it's Friday, and you know what that means. Yes, my Oriental fille de whoopie! housegirl Fah Lo Suee and I are off to beautiful Gainesville, Florida (birthplace of PowerPop fave Tom Petty) where we're going to find the woman who told Governor Batboy Rick Scott to go fuck himself at a local Starbucks...

...and buy her several adult beverages in appreciation.

In any case, as a result, posting by moi will necessarily be somewhat fitful for a few days.

But until then, as always, here's a fun project for you all to contemplate:

Best "What if?" Switcheroo on the title or lyrics of a post-Elvis pop/rock/soul/song!!!!

Yes, as you'll see, it's that ridiculous and that simple. So no arbitrary rules necessary. I should add that if you feel the need to include a song in a non-rock related pop genre, that's fine too.

And now, without further ado, here's my totally top of my head Top Six:

6. What If People Were Actually Kind of Normal When You're a Stranger?

Of course, if the people were all wearing leather pants that might still be a little odd.

5. What If This Was the Start of Something Small and Insignificant?

You know, if truth be told, I've always really liked this song, and the clip is amazing; shot in one long continuous unedited take, like the opening of Touch of Evil.

4. What If the Streets Actually Had Names and as a Result, Bono Found What He Was Looking For?

He'd still be a wanker, of course. But it's interesting to think about.

3. What if Bruce Springsteen Was Born in Sweden?

Res ipsa loquitur, as we say in the rock critic biz.

2. What If Olivia Newton-John Had Wanted to Get Cerebral?

Actually, I always wanted somebody to remake this one as "Metaphysical," but I'm obviously disturbed.

And the number one, if you even think about disputing this I will come to your house and spin donuts on your lawn, thoroughly silly revisionist take on a well known song simply has to be...

1. What If Luka Lived on the Third Floor?

Alrighty then -- what would YOUR choices be?


Anonymous said...

Hello, please remains seated,

What if Mick was perfectly satisfied?
What if Paul McCartney couldn't just let it be?
What if someone had bought the guys in Chicago watches for Christmas?
What if little Johnny B. Goode picked up the clarinet instead?


Anonymous said...

Maudlin Together

California Snoring

You Really Lost Me

That's the Way to Treat a Friend

Anonymous said...

Hello, please remain seated,

What if the guys in Supertramp had taken a shortcut home?

What if that place in Montreaux, on the Lake Geneva shoreline, had a good fire supression system?

(the mind boggles)


BG in Q said...

What if ...

... The KInks were already dressed and peppy on a sunny afternoon?
... The Clash hung up on London?
... The Mamas and Papas decided they actually could trust Monday?
... Fools didn't fall in love?
... The Shirelles found out that no, he wouldn't still love them tomorrow?
... The Beatles never read the news today, oh boy?

Anonymous said...

Hello, please remain seated,

(This one is for our esteemed host)

What if Ray Davies apartment window in the 1960's had an eastern exposure????



BG in Q said...

And then, of course, what if ...

... Jumpin' Jack Flash was a liquid? (A little physics humor.)
... Tom Petty backed down?
... the bridge was over calm waters?
... Tommy sucked at pinball?

edward said...

What if Bruce was Born to take a quick stroll around the block?
What if The Angels wanted to wear a comfy pair of brown slippers?
How would if feel to be Like a Stationary Stone?
What if Major Tom was a Space Normalcy?
What if Iggy wanted to be your parakeet?

Mark said...

And then there were these memorable Yardbirds songs:

Jeff’s Bookie,

Mister You’re A Taller Man Than I,

The Train Kept Arriving (reportedly the inspiration for Groundhog Day),

Shapes And Flings,

and my all-time favorite, Over Under Sideways, which also appears on the album SPEAKING IN TONGUES ABOUT THE RHYTHM OF YOUTH by Men Without Hats On Talking Heads.

pete said...

Do the Yardbirds get their eggs over under sideways down?

What if Kantner and Crosby only had a fiberglass ship to escape on? And isn't David Crosby the Donald Trump of rock and roll?

What if the Stones warned that girl she was playing with Earth, Wind, and Fire?

What if Dylan wasn't all that positive about Fourth Street?

Mark said...

@Pete You've Got A Lot Of Nerve!

Gummo said...

What if Dylan were a druid and thought you were like a standing stone?

What if things HADN'T changed?

What would he have gotten tangled up in if he was colorblind?

Would she still have sheltered him if it was nice out?

What happened to Rainy Day Women #s 13-34?

Anonymous said...

What if the Ramones wanted to be fully alert?

Suppose she moved in obvious ways?

Or Lionel Ritchie fell off the ceiling?

steve simels said...

You guys are killing me.

"The train kept arriving" -- I expelled mucho iced tea on my monitor after reading that one.

Gummo said...

If "peace, love and understanding" was the punchline to a great joke, then would it be funny?

What if it doesn't take much to laugh at all, and only a pedicab to cry?

Gummo said...

What if the leaves were alive and the ground was clean?

Anonymous said...

Hello, please remain seated,

What if my brother was, in fact, a bit stout, and difficult to lift?


BG in Q said...

And the one that started this whole thing (sorry, Simels) --

What if Rick Astley gave you up and let you down? :-)

Anonymous said...

What if Ian Hunter remembered to take his string string razor.


Anonymous said...

Oops... six string razor.


danny1959 said...

I prefer to think of him as Governor Voldemort. And, that woman who drove him out of Starbucks is a national treasure!

danny1959 said...

I forgot to add, what if I wanted you NOT to want me?

Dave said...

Louis Louis

Dave F

P.S. Eydie Gorme is effortlessly cool.

Mark said...

And then the albums …

The Incredible String Band’s The Hangman’s Beautiful New Pontiac

Ministry’s Des Moines Is A Terrible Thing To Taste

Steppenwolf’s At Your Brit Milah, followed by Leonard Cohen's I'm Your Mohel

Lyle Lovett’s Joshua Judges Ruth Bader Ginsberg

and Morrisey’s Vauxhall und Isolde

steve simels said...

"Lyle Lovett’s Joshua Judges Ruth Bader Ginsberg"


Anonymous said...

What if the British Invasion had not happened in 1964.

The Skeletons would have been the biggest group in the world and should have been!

Country music meets protest music!

Captain Al