Weekend Listomania: Special Brevity is the Soul of Wit Edition

This one originally ran in 2009 (and then got updated in 2015) which for some reason now lost in the mists of time were the high points of my I Hate Smashing Pumpkins period.

But it turns out that this week is the NEW high point of my Smashing Pumpkins hate jones.

So I've rewritten it -- added some songs and changed the blurbs for some others, to avoid seeming like the slacker I obviously am.

And why, you ask?

From The Guardian (click on the graphic to be able to read it):

Alex Jones? Really, Bill?

Yeah, well, fuck you, you fat baldheaded crypto-fascist libertarian piece of shit for brains.

But in the meantime, please enjoy, if at all possible, and without further ado, the Listomania topic for this weekend:

Best or Worst Post-Beatles Song or Record With a One Word or One Number Title!!!

Self-explanatory, I think, but I should add that any one word title comprised of the names of men and women or those of geographical places is disqualified. So, fuck you, CSNY and "Ohio." Blow me, Sue Thompson and "Norman."

Okay, with that out of the way here's my totally top of my head Top Thirteen:

13. Steppenwolf -- 28



From their second album, which by the way is one of the great overlooked masterpieces of its era.

12. Collective Soul -- Gel



A great kick-ass rock song featuring a lead singer who I always found charmingly unhinged. Plus, let's face it, "Let's gel" is possibly the most imaginative sexual euphemism since the young John and Paul wrote "Thinking of Linking."

11. Madonna -- Cherish



Not the crappiest or most reprehensible Madonna single -- that would be most of the others -- but I for one have never forgiven it for sullying the good reputation of the 60s hit of the same name by The Association.

10. Maurice Williams and the Zodiacs -- Stay



I actually prefer the completely over the top cover by the Four Seasons, but everybody is probably sick to death of my carrying on about those guys. In any case, the original is one of the sublime glories of early rock, and at a terse 1:39 an obvious candidate for All Time Best Single Under Two Minutes Long.

9. The Beatles -- Help!



C'mon -- according to George Martin, they learned the title of the movie was going to be Help! on Monday, they wrote the song on Tuesday, and they had figured out the entire arrangement and recorded it by the end of Wednesday. It doesn't get any more brilliant.

8. The Rolling Stones -- Think



The Aftermath song The Stones had previously given to Chris Farlowe, who had the hit. One of the best of the early Jagger-Richards collaborations, I think, and the riffage between the acoustic guitar and the fuzz electric is inspired and haunting.

7. Smashing Pumpkins -- Disarm



A very good song, but for obvious reasons limned above -- fuck them and lead singer Billy Corgan where they breathe.

6. Fleetwood Mac -- Tusk



The original of this is Lindsay Buckingham at his most wacky and wonderful, but I still think this MST3K sort-of version...



...is the best one evah.

5. The Loud Family -- Aerodeliria



My favorite song from perhaps my favorite album of the 90s, and only one of the reasons PABARAT was the only genuinely psychedelic experience legally available in that decade. And if you've ever heard the EP they did right after, you know these bastards could nail the damn thing live.

4. The Moody Blues -- Stop



The follow-up to "Go Now," and in some ways even more sad and beautiful; Denny Laine really is one of the most underrated figures of the British Invasion.

3. Jefferson Airplane -- Today



Great song, great album. Too bad the stereo version sounds like it was recorded in an echoey airplane hangar.

2. Foo Fighters -- Everlong



From an article in MOJO:

November 2007: The Foo Fighters are in Canada, supporting Bob Dylan on the latter's Modern Times tour. [Head Foo and former Nirvana drummer] Dave Grohl is in his dressing room when he gets a message that Mr. Dylan wants to see him.

"So I walk out," says Grohl, "and he's standing like a silhouette in a dark corner -- black leather boots, black leather pants, black leather jacket. He said 'What's that song you got, the one that says "The only thing I ever ask of you is you gotta promise not to stop when I say when"?' I said, oh yeah, 'Everlong.' He said, 'Man, that's a great song, I should learn that song."

Grohl laughs loudly. "So I don't give a fuck what anybody else thinks. Bob Dylan likes one of my songs. That right there is enough for me."

And the all-time coolest one word song, it's so obvious why are we even discussing this, is --

1. Soupy Sales -- Pachalafaka



Pachalafaka, pachalafaka
They whisper it all over Turkey
Pachalafaka, pachalafaka
It sounds so romantic and perky
Oh, I know that phrase
Will make me thrill always
For it reminds me of you, my sweet
Just the mention of
That tender word of love
Gives my heart a jerkish, Turkish beat

I won't say c'est si bon
Or l'amour toujours
For they can't express what I'm feeling
Even mairzydoats or
Other foreign quotes
Don't seem to be quite so appealing
But pachalafaka! pachalafaka!
Takes me back with you to passionate desert scenes
And it's there we'll stay
Till the very day
We find out what pachalafaka means!

That, my friends, is true poetry.

Awrighty then -- what would your choices be?

Have a great weekend, everybody!!!