“All They Do In This Town is Give Awards. Best Fascist Dictator — Adolf Hitler!”

In case you're wondering, no, I didn't watch last night's Grammy Awards.

If truth be told, I have something of a fraught relationship with the Grammys. I actually attended the 1978 ceremony, on the theory that you should never pass up the chance to get into a show at Radio City Music Hall for free; I don't remember much about the proceedings except that surprise guest Neil Diamond joined Babs Streisand for a rousing "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" and that I mostly fidgeted in my seat thinking "what the fuck am I doing here?" the whole time.

Then, a couple of years later, I threw caution to the winds and did a snarky meditation on the Grammys (for Stereo Review, natch), the tone of which can be gleaned from the opening question it posed --

Q: Why are the Grammys named after the obsolete gramophone rather than the contemporary phonograph?

A: Because otherwise they would have to be called the Phonies.

I went on to describe the awards -- perhaps intemperately -- as "spectacularly corrupt," which, it turned out, struck Mike Greene, the then president of the Recording Academy, as objectionable; he threatened to sue SR if we didn't take it back, so I dutifully penned a craven mea culpa which ran in the next issue and demonstrated the flexibility of my convictions. Heh.

Oh well. Meanwhile, from a 2008 episode of Family Guy, here's the funniest parody of the Grammys ever

I should also add that Warren Zanes, of the Del Fuegos, had a very nice Grammy op-ed piece in last Saturday's Times that is, commendably, less cynical than I would have been, and it's well worth reading. Which you can do over HERE.