Weekend Listomania: Special "Shoot 'Em While They Run Now (On Fifth Avenue)" Edition

[I originally posted versions of this back in 2010(!) and 2019, but I'm re-upping it now because of its obvious relevance to recent events in Pennsylvania and Milwaukee.

I have also done a shitload of rewriting, and swapped in five new songs, just to demonstrate my Taylor Swift-ish work ethic. Enjoy! -- S.S.]

Well, well. It's the weekend, and you know what that means.

Yes, my Oriental manual catharsis manager girl Friday Fah Lo Suee and I will be travelling to...well, at this point, as long-time readers are doubtless aware, I was going to insert the traditional sort of lame topical political gag here, but it occurs to me I've already done it. And to be honest, the naked racism and misogyny being spewed by the substitute teacher J.D. Vance wing of the Republican party in the last few days has been so utterly loathsome that my heart's just not in the job. Sorry.

In any case, posting by moi will be sporadic for a few days.

So on a hopefully much lighter note, in my absence, here's a fun project for you all to contemplate:

...BEST OR WORST POST-ELVIS POP/ROCK/SOUL/COUNTRY/HIP-HOP SONGS OR RECORDS THAT REFERENCE FIREARMS IN EITHER THE TITLE OR THE LYRIC!!!

Self-explanatory, so no arbitrary rules, but by firearms I mean the obvious, i.e. handguns, rifles, etc. In other words, if you try to sneak in something like Bruce Cockburn's otherwise quite splendid "If I Had a Rocket Launcher" I'll come to your house and make merciless fun of you.

And my totally top of my head Top Eight is/are:

8. KISS -- Love Gun

An embarassingly crappy song by an embarrassingly crappy band from an embarrassingly crappy album. And let's not even get into the fact that these mooks thought they were making a witty parody of the Sex Pistols.

Okay, it's a generation gap thing, I'll grant you. And, in fact, my Gen X colleague/friend Doug Brod has written a brilliant recent book actually making a plausible case for KISS being an actually important band. Let's just say that while I recommend you read it, I disagree with it on several profound levels.

7. Mission of Burmaa-- That's When I Reach for My Revolver

Yeah, it's a great song. Still, and I forgot who said it, but there comes a time in everybody's life when they look at their CD collection and realize that those three Mission of Burma discs are basically just taking up space.

6. Hackamore Brick -- Zip Gun Woman

From their 1971 cult album. These guys are supposed to be some kind of proto-something -- punk, powerpop, I don't know what -- and people whose opinions I respect actually like the record. All I know is, I pull it out once every year or two to see if it makes sense to me yet, and it never does.

5. Mike Daly and the Planets -- Kill a Clown (No, Not Really)

He's only kidding, folks. Heh.

4. Aerosmith -- Janie's Got a Gun

It may surprise you to learn that I think that this record's a fucking masterpiece on every level. I should also add that yes, I'm aware that people who came of age during those guys original 70s heyday prefer that incarnation of the band, but I think it's pretty obvious that the earlier Aerosomith couldn't possibly have written and performed anything as good as the above.

3. Eminem -- Darkness

I always thought he was kind of a putz, but jeebus -- apart from the over the top melodramatic gun shit, self-pitying much?

2. The Sevens -- Seven

Apocalyptic garage rock from the Rolling Stones of Switzerland. Actual gun shots -- a starter pistol, more specifically -- fired in real time in the studio, courtesy of producer Giorgio Moroder (in his pre-disco days, obviously).

And the Numero Uno ode to the joys of blowing stuff up real good simply has to be...

1. The Floor Models -- A Shot in the Dark

Okay, I'm aware there's no actual reference to guns in the lyric, but what a great freaking song anyway. And c'mon -- you just knew that was gonna be the one, right?

Alrighty then -- what would YOUR choices be?

And have a great weekend, everybody!!!