Holiday Weekend Listomania (Special How Odd of God to Choose the Jews! Audio/Video Edition)

Well, it's Friday, and you know what that means. Yes, my Oriental Delta of Venus coiffeur Fah Lo Suee and I will be off to Wasilla, Alaska, for a Christmas party with former Gov. Sarah Palin and brood. I understand that former First Dude Todd Palin (Secessionist-Hell) will be carving the traditional Xmas moose while dressed as the beloved cartoon character Bullwinkle, which I think shows an interesting sense of irony on his part.

But in any case, further posting by moi will necessarily be sporadic for a day or two.

In the meantime, then, here's a hopefully fun little holiday project for us all:

Best or Worst Post-Elvis Pop/Rock Song or Album That's Written or Performed By (or Simply References) My Fellow Red Sea Pedestrians!!!

That's "Red Sea Pedestrians" as in Jews, in case you didn't catch the reference.

In other words, if it's by or sung by a Jew, or vaguely alludes to the whole Jewish thing, it's good to go.

And no arbitrary rules whatsoever that I can think of, except you can't eat dairy with meat. And shellfish is right out.

Oh, and nothing from Jesus Christ Superstar or Godspell. Seriously -- you try to slip some of that crap into the list and I will come to your house and rip your heart out of its chest cavity with a pair of pinking shears.

Okay, my top of my head Top Nine is:

9. The Blues Project -- I Can't Keep From Cryin' Sometimes




Messrs Kooper, Kulberg, Blumenfeld, Kalb and Katz; not for nothing did people call them "The Jewish Beatles." I saw them at one of their reunion shows in the early 90s, and they actually came onstage to a recording of the theme from Exodus. Heh.

8. Brandon Walker -- Chinese Food on Christmas

I eat Chinese food on Christmas
Go to the movie theater too
Cause there just ain't much else to do on Christmas
If you're a Jew.

This is actually true, by the way.

7. Procol Harum -- Strong as Samson

Psychiatrists and Lawyers destroying mankind
Drivin' 'em crazy...and stealing 'em blind
Bankers and Brokers ruling the world
Storing the silver and hoarding the gold

'Nuff said. And that's even before the verse specifically referencing the Chosen People.

6. Cream -- Disraeli Gears



Named after the 19th century Brit novelist, prime minister and (feh) Conservative. Few things, then as now, annoy me more than a right-wing Jew. Benjy, Benjy, Benjy, remember where you came from, boychik.

5. Tom Lehrer -- I'm Spending Hanukkah in Santa Monica




A previously unreleased track from Rhino's terrific box-set retrospective The Remains of Tom Lehrer from 2000. It boggles my mind, but until I read the biographical essay with the set, it had never occurred to me that Lehrer was, in fact, Jewish. And with a punim like that...

4 The Beatles -- Rabbi Saul



From their brief and little known Orthodox Jewish period. Unreleased songs rumoured to exist in the EMI vaults include "Sexy Seder," "Mocky Raccoon," "P.S. I Owe You," "The Shul on the Hill," and "Your Mother Should Only Know."

3. Matisyahau -- King Without a Crown



Matisyahu: Oy gevalt, what will the goyim think? Seriously -- a Hasidic Jewish reggae musician has got, for want of a better word, issues. That said, I couldn't find a Killers song that fits this week's theme, and as you know I always like to include a tune recorded in the current century.

2. Marc Cohn -- Walking in Memphis

Now Muriel plays piano
Every Friday at the Hollywood.
And they brought me down to see her
And they asked me if I would
Do a little number
And I sang with all my might.
She said "Tell me, are you a Christian, child?"
And I said "Ma'am I am tonight"

Okay, so a nice Jewish boy temporarily recants his faith. I still think the song is a masterpiece.

And the numero uno Jewbie Doobie Doo ditty of all time obviously, I can't believe you're even hocking me about this, has to be --

1. The J. Geils Band -- First I Look at the Purse




Yeah, Smokey Robinson wrote it (for The Contours, of "Do You Love Me?" fame), but it took five scrawny jewboys from Boston to do the definitive version of the definitively crass song about looking out for number one.

"A woman can be
As fine as can be.
With kisses sweet as honey.
But that don't mean a thing to me...
If she ain't got no money."

Alrighty, then -- what would your choices be?

[Shamless Blogwhore: My parallel Xmas Cinemania -- featuring a certain rodent trio remaking their signature in the company of a band that played at Woodstock -- is now up over at Box Office, courtesy of our bud Dave™©. It being the holiday and all, it would really get me in good with management if you could see your way to going over there and leaving some sort of snarky little seasonal comment. Thanks!]