Weekend Listomania (Special HCR Audio/Video Edition)

Well, it's Friday and you know what that means. Yes, my Oriental flourish of strumpets avatar Fah Lo Suee and I will be taking an emergency meeting with former nude model turned Massachusetts senator Scott Brown [R-pimped his daughters].

Actually, that's not strictly accurate. In real life, I'll be in New Jersey helping my mom celebrate her 90th birthday (Hi, mom!) but I figured it was worth saying simply to get up the nose of a sensitive reader who took offense to my making fun of a certain well-known theocratic nutcase in last week's Listomania. And if that sounds meanspirited -- hey, it's been a very irksome week.

In any event, further posting by moi will have to be sporadic for a day or two.

In the meantime, then, here's a hopefully fun little project for us all:

Best or Worst Post-Elvis Pop or Rock Song Referencing Doctors, Medicine or Just Your Health in General!!!

Yeah, yeah, I think I might have done this one before, but I'm senile, and as it turns out, there was news last week -- seriously -- that gingko biloba actually doesn't help memory at all. So this subject has obvious personal resonance.

I'm sorry...have we been introduced?

Anyway, no arbitrary rules of any kind. Go nuts.

Hey -- there are pears in my Jell-O!!!!

And my totally top of my head Top Seven are:

7. The Velvet Underground -- Lady Godiva's Operation



Lou Reed and John Cale's pathetic commercial sell-out attempt at a Top 40 hit single.

6. Madness -- Cardiac Arrest



I'd actually forgotten how much fun these guys were. Love that xylophone solo!

5. Frank Black -- Headache



Great song, but when I watch the video I think -- for a fat guy, he doesn't sweat much.

4. Joe Jackson -- Cancer



As in "everything gives you..." And this was from Joe's big mainstream commercial breakthrough album, ironically.

3. The Beatles -- Dr. Robert



If memory serves, the real life meth-dispensing Park Avenue doc the Beatles are referencing here is the same one who used to peddle speed to the Warhol crowd, thus lending credence to the rumor that Brian Epstein was a big fan of the Velvets first album. Come to think of it, I seem to recall reading somewhere that Lou Reed actually took a meeting with Epstein in '67 to discuss management, but for whatever reasons -- including Epstein's sudden death, obviously -- it never came to anything. History sure would have been changed in unfathomable ways if it had, of course.

2. James Brown --I Feel Good



And who can argue with that?

And the numero uno song brought to you by the Aetna Insurance Group quite self-evidently is ---

1. Humble Pie -- I Don't Need No Doctor




I would just like to go on record as saying that I have never been able to listen to this track without laughing. Seriously. I inevitably visualize it being sung by four screaming gay midgets. I have no idea why that is, but it's true.

Alrighty, then -- and what would YOUR choices be?

[Shameless Blogwhore: My parallel Cinema Listomania -- theme: best or worst big screen debut by an actor or actress -- is now up over at Box Office. As always, I would be your BFF if you could see your way to going over and leaving a comment, even though there's not a single gratuitous Avatar joke. Thanks!]