Let's Hunt Down and Kill Diane Warren: An Occasional Series

Ladies and gentlemen, please endure the opening credits to Enterprise, the last Star Trek TV spin-off to date, and courtesy of the deeply satanic Diane Warren, not just the Worst Song Ever Written, but the Worst Song That Will Ever BE Written.



I don't even know where to begin in describing the sheer awfulness of that, although I will say that the phrase "faith of the heart" may be the most clueless use of four otherwise straightforwardly understandable words in the history of the galaxy word salad. I should add that in the last two seasons of the show, they replaced this version with a more power-ballady mix that's actually even worse, but I won't inflict that one on you at this point.

I should also add that Diane Warren is the most successful songwriter of all time who's never written a song of any value other than to her bank balance, with a string of hit songs several pages long -- and each and every one of them is a) skull-crushingly annoying and b) totally lacking in any quality that makes them otherwise stick in your memory.

Seriously, read this list of her songs here and tell me you recall any of them enough to hum them.

UPDATE: I just discovered that Simon Pegg -- who plays Mr. Scott in the new J.J. Abrams flicks -- totally agrees with me on this.

"I think that the theme music to Enterprise was probably the most hideous Star Trek moment in history. I couldn’t believe that they had this great idea of sort of pre-Kirk/Spock Star Trek, and they gave it a dreadful soft-rock music start. It just seemed so ill-advised. I mention Admiral Archer [in 2009’s Star Trek]—it isn’t struck off because of the terrible music. Scotty actually mentions him. But [the theme music] is terrible. I’ve never seen Enterprise, because I couldn’t get past that music. It would still be ringing in my ears when the show starts.