Weekend Listomania's Greatest Hits: Special Tolstoy, You Ignorant Slut! Edition

[I first posted this one back in 2008, which is so long ago it might as well have been the Pleistocene Era. But alas, its theme remains disturbingly relevant in an age when supposedly sane members of the World's Greatest Deliberative Body are creaming their jeans in anticipation of our launching yet another full scale conflict in the Middle East. In any case, I've done some re-writing, as well as adding a new entry. Semper fi, bitches!-- S.S.]

BEST OR WORST POST-ELVIS POP/ROCK SONG OR RECORD REFERENCING WAR OR PEACE IN EITHER ITS LYRICS OR TITLE!!!!!!

Totally arbitrary rule: The word "battle" is allowed, but songs that merely refer to fighting are not.

Okay, that said, here's my totally top of my head Top Six:

6. Bomb Iran -- Vince Vance and the Valiants



This reprehensible piece of shit actually sort of violates my arbitrary rule above, but it's such an artifact of evil I'd be remiss if I didn't include it. I should add that it was given a new lease on life by Sen. John McCain [R-embarrassing old man], just one of many reasons to hate that asshole, and that in a hideous historical irony, the guy who composed the song on which this parody is based was actually himself of Iranian lineage.

5. (What's So Funny) 'Bout Peace Love and Understanding? -- Stephen Colbert and Friends



Sorry I couldn't find the actual video for this, which I believe is now the definitive version (the friends are Elvis Costello, Toby Keith(!), Feist, Jon Legend and Willie Nelson). I must say, though, the idea that a wiseguy cynic like Nick Lowe actually wrote what has become the most beloved anti-war song of our time is a bit of a mind-blower.

4. Let's Have a War -- Fear



"It could start in New Jersey!" The great Lee Ving on vocals, obviously. If memory serves, this is the song Fear were singing on SNL when some punks in the audience rioted. John Belushi loved it.

3. Banks of the Nile -- Fotheringay



The British Army in Egypt, and absolutely heartbreaking, via the great Sandy Denny.

"Oh cursed be these cruel wars, that ever they began
For they have robbed our country of many's the handsome man
They've robbed of us of our sweethearts while their bodies they feed the lions
On the dry and sandy deserts which are the banks of the Nile."

2. Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace -- Christopher Milk

The often covered Terry Reid classic. The original is still the greatest, but this version by unjustly under-appreciated early 70s LA glam band Christopher Milk -- two of whose members, I am proud to say, are Facebook buds of mine -- is very nearly as good. Unfortunately, I can't post the audio at the moment, because Divshare has been down since yesterday -- as soon as they get their act together, I'll be back here to insert the link.

And the number one song about the yin and yang of man's fate, it's self-evidently obvious and if you give me any grief about it I will come to your house with a regiment of mounted cavalry and obliterate you, is...

1. Peace Like a River -- Paul Simon



From his first solo album (still his masterpiece, I think) and one of his most ineffably lovely songs ever. Some smart alt-pop band with a Rickenbacker twelve-string and a winsome-voiced lead singer would be well advised to cover this some time.

Awrighty then -- what would your choices be?