Well, it's the weekend, and you know what that means. Yes, my Oriental manual catharsis specialist Fah Lo Suee and I will be heading to India, as trade representatives for the Trump administration. Our job: Convince the wogs to import more American beef.
But in the meantime, while we're gone, here's a fun little project for us all:
BEST OR WORST POST-ELVIS ROCK/POP/SOUL/BAND/ARTIST(S) FOR WHOM ENGLISH IS NOT THEIR FIRST LANGUAGE!
No arbitrary rules whatsoever, but if you try to sneak Yngwie Malmsteen in there I will come to your house and slap you silly.
And my totally top of my head Top 9 is:
9. STEALER'S WHEEL (The United Kingdom)
Okay, they're from Scotland, which means that technically they speak English.
But come on -- really? Have you ever been to Scotland and tried to order a drink at your hotel?
8. TOMMY LORENTE (France)
Love this guy, whether he's performing either rock or roll.
7. ABBA (Sweden)
In their case, they sing in what's usually referred to as "charmingly accented" English.
6. SHOCKING BLUE (The Netherlands)
Everybody knows "Venus," but "Railroad Man" is even better and they had scads of songs as good.
5. THE OUTSIDERS (The Netherlands)
The Stones -- or more accurately the Pretty Things -- of Holland.
4. LOS SHAKERS (Uruguay)
The Beatles del Río de la Plata. Seriously.
3. LOS BRAVOS (Spain)
I know very little about these guys, but the lead singer was clearly the Iberian Gene Pitney.
2. BORIS GREBENSHIKOV (The former Soviet Union)
The Bob Dylan of the USSR. His American album -- produced by Dave Stewart of Eurthymics -- is one of the great lost records of the 80s.
And the number one totally crappy band for whom English is not their first language simply has to be, it couldn't be anybody else, is ...
1. MAROON 5 (California. Supposedly.)
I'm sorry -- the only excuse for the fact that these assholes have sold millions of records world wide is that they are foreigners. Seriously -- you can't suck that badly and have that level of success for any other reason. God knows their lyrics are so lame that could only be badly translated from some other language.
Alrighty then -- who would YOUR choices be?
And have a great weekend everybody!!!