Well, it's Friday and you know what that means. Yes, my Oriental blah blah blah Fah Lo Suee and I are off to somewhere to do something with somebody sometime, which is to say I have no joke this week, political or otherwise.
But since things will, as per usual, doubtless be a little quiet around here for a couple of days, herewith a hopefully amusing little project to help us fill, at least for a few idle hours, the voids that comprise the hellish emptiness of our lives:
Least Attractive Post-Elvis Male Pop/Rock Solo Artist or Group -- And By Least Attractive We Mean "How the Hell Did He/They Ever Achieve Success, Even Briefly?"
No arbitrary rules, since this is all in the eye of the beholder, obviously. But I would like to state for the record that I am not -- repeat: NOT -- ever going to do the distaff version of this particular Listomania. And 'why is that?" you might ask.
Because I'm not fucking stupid, that's why.
Okay, and moving right along, my totally top of my head Top Five is/are:
5. Gino Vanelli
Somebody thought this guy was hot, apparently, but he just gave me the creeps. It must be a Canadian thing.
4. Carl Perkins
A great musician and songwriter, but let's be honest -- there's a reason he wasn't as big as Presley. I should add that the toupee of Carl's later years was perhaps even sillier than whatever the hell is currently sitting on Donald Trump's head.
Okay, Lars had a certain teen appeal back in the day, but the rest of them? Yipes.
2. Fucked Up (Damian Abraham)
Saw this guy interviewed on TV somewhere and he's really smart, funny and politically savvy. But sweet Jeebus -- I once endured a cell-phone club show video of the band featuring a shirtless Abraham, and frankly there's a part of me that's never coming back; there's a part of me that's gone forever.
And the Numero Uno these-guys-were-definitely-wupped-with-the-ugly-stick act of them all simply has to be...
1. Uriah Heep
The world's longest running, least photogenic and most clueless heavy metal band -- the real Spinal Tap, in other words, and what a fabulous comedy of errors their bio pic would be. How ugly were they? There is a story -- perhaps apocryphal, but I believe it -- that when the above video debuted on (the then fledgling) MTV, the album from which it was the single literally stopped selling overnight; in fact, it was such a disaster that the band's management had to beg the network to stop airing the thing.
Alrighty then -- who would your choices be?