Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Last Exit to Hipsterville

Our good pal Sal Nunziato over at the estimable BURNING WOOD blog had a particularly droll rant up yesterday about the current hipster infestation of Brooklyn.

I had a conversation with my friend Michael on Saturday night...with me taking down anything in skinny jeans and ironic frames, sipping kale smoothies and $12 cruelty-free lattes.

It should be easy enough to just laugh off seeing a 24 year-old with a Smith Brothers beard and Lew Wasserman frames, weighing 68 pounds soaking wet, walking his cat on a leash while sporting a "Brooklyn: East New York" tee shirt, except if this kooky kat had actually been walking along Lefferts Avenue, the odds are slim that he would have survived the stroll unscathed.

Let me simply say, and for the record, that Sal knows from whereof he speaks.

For example, in my girlfriend's for the moment still wonderful neighborhood of Cobble Hill [Official Motto: Where All Your Shit's in Walking Distance], we are currently being overrun by hordes of Trust Fund Cyborgs and their hellspawn.

Hey, everybody's gotta be somewhere, right?

However, up the street from said girlfriend's apartment, there is a just opened clothing store that sells ironic togs for pre-K yuppie larvae. [True fact: A friend of mine overheard one of the moms in the nabe talking to her five-year-old daughter Ariadne. You heard that right -- Ariadne.]

In any case, here's the shop's current front window.

"Brooklyn is My Playground" your ass, little Bratleigh and Snotleigh.

But on closer observation, this is the one that really gets me.

Note the mannequin in the ironic Fedora, hipster shades and Strokes tee shirt.

I repeat -- a Strokes tee shirt.

And let me also simply say, and again for the record, that if I ever saw an actual kid dressed in that outfit there's no doubt in my mind that I would immediately take a hostage.

Thank you.

[h/t Watertiger]


Brooklyn Girl said...

You missed the "I'm SOOOOOO Bklyn!"
onesies in the other window.

And this place used to be New York's Best Kept Secret --- *sigh* ---

buzzbabyjesus said...

Cue the sound of a thousand people over forty puking.

Carol said...

This brings up another pet peeve of mine - when parents bring their kids along at political rallies and have said kids carry posters! Drives me absolutely nuts.

Shriner said...

Being from the midwest...

Is it only New Yorkers that get up-in-arms about stuff like gentrification? First Spike Lee, now you and Sal...

I'm generally curious.

David said...

Many people, not just classic dyed-in-the-wool cranks like Steve, hate to see the increasing mall-ification of New York, but the Strokes T-shirts are only tangentially related to gentrification and are more to be filed under trendiness circa. 2014 in Brooklyn. Two different things, and the former really more serious than the latter. People will always buy stupid t-shirts for their kids.

steve simels said...

That's Mr. Dyed in the Wool crank to you, pal.

pete said...

Okay, my 24-year-old daughter is a hipster, for real. No logos, CERTAINLY no trust fund. She travels from town to town by GREYHOUND BUS giving poetry readings. (In Brooklyn last night.) She's a great poet and becoming a great singer and songwriter. She has no fear. She wears yellow shoes with pink shoelaces and pashmina scarves. Anybody has a problem with that can give me his home address.

steve simels said...

Speaking of pink shoelaces, here's an earlier generation's take.


Sal Nunziato said...

I take Ariadne for my arthritis.

Brooklyn Girl said...

I am not a fan of pretentious people. I don't care what label gets slapped on them.

But I am sorely tempted to start a line of clothes called Rosemary's Baby, and have t-shirts that say things like "Spawn of Satan" and "I compost --- IN MY PANTS!"

watertiger said...

Let us not forget little Copeland, who nearly ran over my foot with his limited edition John Varvatos scooter.

Mark said...

It's really neighborhood by neighborhood in Brooklyn, just like it is everywhere in NYC. But Brooklyn, in its current status as the most Manhattanlike of all the outer boroughs, should not be viewed as monolithic. I lived in East Flatbush as a child and again as a college student, and there's no danger of Flatbush going hipster. I lived in Sheepshead Bay for thirty years, and the Bay ain't NEVER goin' hipster. I live in Park Slope now, a neighborhood that has some of its own Portlandia qualities, but is truly beautiful. My daughter, a Williamsburg tattoo artist, lives with her husband in Sunset Park, another neighborhood not going hipster. And if Brownsville or East New York ever go hipster, I'll eat sushi seven nights a week.

My wife and I are looking at moving from Brooklyn to Queens, and in particular to either Kew Gardens (nice and quiet, and dare I say charming?) or Forest Hills, which was once thought to be as desirable as Park Slope, but is now thought to be ... ahem ... crass. Or something like that.

That being said, or in this case, written, you should see what's happening in Gowanus, the neighborhood next to Park Slope, and where Shoes will be performing at The Bell House) on Saturday. Clubs, gyms, small bars and restaurants, and ... yes ... people.

It could be worse.

In summary, not ALL of Brooklyn is going FH (fake hipster), and some areas, such as Crown Heights, are becoming ... well ... almost liveable. But there will always be real Brooklyn places, shit-holes and nice places (such as Sheepshead Bay) alike, where real people can be found.

Brooklyn Girl said...

My wife and I are looking at moving from Brooklyn to Queens, and in particular to either Kew Gardens (nice and quiet, and dare I say charming?) or Forest Hills, which was once thought to be as desirable as Park Slope, but is now thought to be ... ahem ... crass. Or something like that.

I'm moving from Cobble Hill to Forest Hills next month. Not as trendy as Astoria or LIC, but much more livable, and very convenient transportation-wise. And better bang for your buck ---

Several of the Brooklyn neighborhoods you mentioned are becoming hipster hoods. Many of them, however, will never become yuppie hoods.

Brooklyn Girl said...

And we will be at the Bell House on Saturday --- :-)

edward said...

Oh fer chrissakes. Plant a lawn so you can chase the kids off of it.