Monday, August 28, 2006

OT: Grrrrrr......

I have a lot of pet peeves, but this is a big one.

With this particular couple, the situation was even worse. Their sex life had died completely, and one of the main causes was the mother's obsession with breast-feeding well into the child's eleventh month. The baby was attached to his mother like a limb, and he even slept with her every night, consigning her husband to a different bedroom.

I told the mother that in being so devoted to her son, she had committed the cardinal sin of marriage, which is to put someone else before her spouse, even if that someone is your child. Furthermore, I said, her obsession had turned one of her most attractive body parts into a feeding station, an attractive cafeteria rather than a scintillating piece of flesh.

In my book "Kosher Adultery," I make the point that infidelity is primarily a sin of omission rather than commission. It is not the bad thing you do that destroys a marriage, but all the good that you fail to do, preoccupied as you are with a sinful relationship that diverts your attention away from your spouse. Similarly, with the example of breast-feeding, a wife who spends a year giving all her emotional and physical affection to the baby has left her marriage a barren wasteland, bereft of romance and affection.

Obviously, breast-feeding is not the same as carrying on an extramarital affair. But when a mother gives her breasts to her son and takes them away from her husband, the effect on the marriage can feel the same.

I am surprised that when scientists discuss all the benefits of breast-feeding, they neglect its most negative consequence. If breast-feeding gets in the way of the marriage—if it means that a husband and wife never go out on dates, or that the mother is so tired from always waking up with the baby that she has no energy to ever be intimate with her husband—the child will probably end up worse off, however many colds or bouts with diarrhea he now avoids.


What. A. Dick.


As one of the commenters asks: "Should a man stop urinating, and, say, install a colostomy bag, so as to not "desexualize" his penis in the eyes of his wife?" No? Then STFU.

14 comments:

Snow said...

My late boss used to say shit like this all of the time. "If a man is cheating it is because his wife is not giving him what he needs. My wife understands this and keeps me happy."

After he died, we found out he was banging his secretary. Among others. So much for that omission crap.

Kid Charlemagne said...

I am suddenly reminded of the song "Tits" on the Sparks' great LP "Indiscreet."

"How well I know
Tits were only there for fun and games at home
And now she says, tits are only there to feed our little Joe
So that he'll grow"

Snow said...

Of course, breastfeeding is a natural thing but that is a whole nother issue for the rabbi to figure out. Maybe he should consult a physician before speaking out.

NYMary said...

Trust Kid C to be on topic!

Kid Charlemagne said...

Who says power pop and breastfeeding can't go hand in hand??

pseudonymous in NC said...

Boteach? The man who siphoned money from his charity in Oxford to pay his mortgage?

Anyway, Richard Thompson said it best w/r/t Janet Jackson: 'If you must shove your titty in somebody's face, shove it in a baby's.'

ntodd said...

Maybe the baby sucking her tits was just a tad more fulfilling than having her husband do it during the Minute Waltz...

sdf (Stu) said...

Obviously, breast-feeding is not the same as carrying on an extramarital affair ...

Oh, cause he had me confused for a second there. Like in the second half of the same sentence where he says "but actually it is."

This guy has some really, really weird reverse-Oedipal issues.

Ask Rabbi Shmuley a Question:
Send your question about love and marriage to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.


Yeah, we'll all get right on that.

On the other hand, it does sound like a great opportunity for some mischief.

kometes said...

We did the whole cosleeping thing with all our kids.

"Your kid is in your bed? How do you, you know, do it?"

"If you are only doing it in the bedroom, how boring is your sex life?"

There is a certain noise that jaws make when they unflap that I find quite pleasant.

Anonymous said...

So let's see. Putting one's child's health above everything else is a selfish act and grounds for the marriage breaking up. But insisting that your child have less than the ideal diet so that you can indulge your sexual appetites is proper.

Besides my husband always though me feeding his children was the height of sexuality.

What kind of parents are these?

ql in ny

Charlotte Smith said...

Yeah, that guy's a dick. His series on The Learning Channel seems pretty harmless, and the episodes I've seen weren't too bad, but Boteach can't hide his real views forever.

Thers said...

I'm so glad Freud's been discredited....

Ripley said...

or that the mother is so tired from always waking up with the baby that she has no energy to ever be intimate with her husband

Because, y'know, that Never happens with bottle-fed kids under the age of, say, 6 months old. Wtf...

I'm no woman, but I've known a few and some of them were mothers - and, almost universally, they tell me the Docs say 'No sex for at least six weeks.' So, are OB/GYNs interfering with the Man's natural right to roger his little lady silly the day after the baby's born? I'd love to see this loon debate my sister, who is, in fact, an OB/GYN and mother.

Also, why the hell is there an article on breastfeeding at BeliefNet? Do they not have an editor on Mondays?

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing the rabbi was bottle fed. Pathetic.

cgreen