Weekend Listomania (Special What the Hell is That Thing Below Your Nose? Edition)

Well, it's Friday and you know what that means. Yes, my Oriental F.O.T.W. [Friend of Tiger Woods] Fah Lo Suee and I are off to the Executive Mansion in beautiful Richmond, Virginia, where we'll be joining Governor Robert F. McDonnell [R-Slave Owner] in a ceremony celebrating his proclamation of Nazi Appreciation Month, a tribute to the Third Reich's invaluable contributions to the aerospace industry in the Commonwealth.

In any case, further posting by moi will be sporadic for a few days as a result.

But in the meantime, here's a fun little project for us all:

Best or Worst Mustache on a Post-Elvis Pop or Rock Musician!!!

And my totally top of my head Top Seven is:

7. Bob Dylan


The latter day Bob, of course, and his riverboat gambler look, which is about as cool in an age-appropriate way as you can get. What a character.

6. Sonny Bono




Hey, not for nothing is his most heartfelt record called "Laugh at Me." (And I don't care if he wrote also "Needles and Pins" -- his various mustaches over the years were heinous.)

5. John Oates




A porn 'stash, to be sure, but with so much more going on, subtextually. Let's just say it didn't surprise me when he made an actually very cool record called "Where are the Italian Girls."

4. Bryan Ferry


For somebody with as lounge lizard-ish a personna as Ferry it's kind of surprising that he's been clean-shaven for most of his career, but here he is, circa 1976, during his brief Clark Gable period.

3. Derek Smalls (Spinal Tap)


People thought it was something about their trousers, but I've always considered that magnificent growth on bassist Smalls' lip to be the true secret weapon of Spinal Tap.

2. That wimpy asshole in Fleet Foxes


Have I mentioned how much I hate this band? Seriously -- I hate just about everything about them, including their friends and relatives I've never met.

And the Numero Uno wispy or otherwise facial hair statement by a musician, I'll brook no dissension on this, absolutely is...

1. Ron Mael(Sparks)


Come on -- like it was even a contest? The guy got on Top of the Pops doing Hitler, fercrissakes.

Alrighty, then -- what would your choices be?

[Shameless Blogwhore: My parallel Cinema Listomania -- theme: Best or worst performance by a post-Beatles female pop star in a fiction film -- is now up over at Box Office. As always, if you could find it in the goodness of your heart to go over there and leave a pithy bon mot, I'd probably think nice thoughts about you. Thanks!]