Friday, January 05, 2024

Weekend Listomania: Special "A Thing of Beauty is a Joy Forever" Edition

[I first posted a version of the below in 2007(!), when the world and this blog were young. Obviously, much has changed in the interim -- like many pronouns, for example -- and thus I've done some editing of the original language to conform with contemporary mores (although neither the word "binary" or "cis" will appear -- I have my standards). I've also substituted a couple of new entries, mostly because we like to have something dating from the current century every once in a while. In any case, enjoy, and keep it clean, kids. -- S.S.]

Well, it's Friday and you know what that means. Yes, my Congressional manual catharsis technician Rep. Lauren Boebert and I are off to fabulous New York City, where we'll be spending the next several days at a downtown Gentleman's (heh) Club for a Heritage Foundation-sponsored seminar/retreat whose theme is Sex With the Stupid: Fun or Not?

So regular QOPEC* postings will necessarily be somewhat, uh, premature for a couple of days, if you know what I mean.

But in my absence, here's a fun project for you all to contemplate:

All-Time Favorite Post-Elvis Pop/Rock Female (Traditional or Otherwise) Sex (er) Object!!!

You know -- the cutest, the hottest, the most historically significant, the one that you most wanted to boink. However you define it, that's cool, and it can either be a solo artist or someone/something in a band.

And my carefully considered Top Ten is:

10. The Duchess [Bo Diddley's gorgeous sister]

Note: She's the one on the right with the guitar.

9. Joan Jett

I would so switch teams for that woman (yeah, I know).

8. Phoebe Bridgers

As seen here with its band Boy Genius. All of whom could have me if they played their cards right, now that I think of it.

7. Patti Smith

Around the time that album came out, Patti famously told a rock journalist (I forget who) that she'd actually jerked off to the Mapplethorpe album photo, just to see what it would be like for her fans. I found that...intriguing.

6. Marianne Faithfull

Wotta babe.

5. Evie Sands

The sexiest suburban white girl(!) Brill Building chick(!!) of them all. I should add that Evie is still doing this kind of stuff live in clubs around L.A., and sounds and looks cooler than ever.

4. Courtney Love

Hey, what can I tell you -- as NYMary put it, I like 'em disheveled.

3. Chrissie Hynde

Let's just say I never had a waitress who was THAT interesting.

2. Pink

Look in the dictionary under "fiercely erotic" and there's a picture of her. Seriously -- she's about as stimulating as it gets, but the problem is I don't think I'd survive the foreplay.

And my all time number one rock femme de whoopie without a Y chromosome, there's no freaking contest so don't give me any shit about this, indisputably is....

1. Ronnie Spector!!!

Ah, Ronnie. Has there ever been a more arousing video for a crappy song by a doughy white guy who gets upstaged by his lady(!)guest star? Seriously -- that silhouetted wiggle, that cigarette being crushed by the high heel, that first moment when she sings "Be my little baby...." God, I love that whatever-that-is.


11a. Cousin Itt

For obvious reasons.

Alrighty then -- who else puts a lump (or something) in your shorts and/or brings you to the edge of wetness?

And have a great weekend, everybody!!!


* QOPEC: a gender indefinite oil s/he/ik.


mistah charley, sb, ma, phd, jsps said...

what - no kate bush or susanna hoffs or pat benatar? not even grace slick?

steve simels said...

Hey -- the list was strictly top of my head. I'm not married to it.

Gummo said...

IIRC, Patti's self-stimulation remark was referring to the cover of Easter.

She said she was "testing" it on behalf of her fans.

Gummo said...

And what about Ann-Margaret's Bye Bye Birdie opening song?

Anonymous said...

Yes to Kate, Susanna, and Pat. I'd also pick Stevie Nicks, Corin Tucker for a non-traditional choice, Tina Turner, Teri Nunn, Jane Wiedlin, Belinda Carlisle, and Dolly Parton now that she's in the RnR HoF.

Honorable mention to the Candy-O cover

ChrisE said...

Steve - A reminder about Marshall Chapman

I'll also mention Carlene Carter, the former Mrs. Nick Lowe. She was energetic, pretty, she had talent as a singer and songwriter, and I liked her attitude. "MUSICAL SHAPES" is still a really good album.

John K said...

Nena (99 Red Balloons)

steve simels said...

Oh god -- I can't believe I left out Marshall.

Anonymous said...

And now Steve will apologize to both of his female readers
Cleveland Jeff

Anonymous said...

Crissy Amphlett of the Divinyls

cthulhu said...

Kate Bush is mesmerizing (in a very good way).
Chrissy Amphlett of the Divinyls…yup. Check out this video, and the song is great too - fabulous slice of early Who-inspired powerpop:
Alison Goldfrapp of the British electronica band Goldfrapp.
Michelle Phillips, the Mamas and the Papas.
A hearty second for Evie Sands; her version of “Take Me For a Little While” is definitive.
Emmylou Harris.
Linda Ronstadt - that poster of her with the rollerskates was omnipresent in teenage boys’ bedrooms in the ‘70s.
All three ladies from Bananarama - Sara Dallin, Siobhan Fahey, and Keren Woodward.
Sharin Foo of the Raveonettes - great Danish semi-shoegaze/noisepop band with roots in early-Sixties pop - check out their cover of “My Boyfriend’s Back”.
Aimee Mann - magnificent in every way.

BG said...

What ... no love for Debbie Harry? Are you shitting me?

BG said...

And, since you didn't limit it to chanteuses, how about Tina Weymouth? Sheila E.? Wendy and Lisa?

pete said...

When I saw Delaney and Bonnie at the Albert Hall in 1969 (still the best rock concert I've ever seen) I thought Bonnie Bramlett was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Still do.

Alzo said...

Ellen Foley
Francoise Hardy
Nina Hagen
Kate Bush
Allison Robertson (Donna R)
Orlaith & Mollie

Dee Generate said...

I'd be on my knees under Tori Amos' piano while she's playing with her legs spread wide any time! Ain't no doubt in my mind that why she sits that way.

The Kenosha Kid said...

Wendy James from Transvision Vamp

Anonymous said...

Here are four of my favorite music women, with commentary:

1- Nothing but trouble but well worth the trouble: Lydia Loveless

2- Too tall but I'll stand on my tippy toes because I like smart spiritual women: Rosanne Cash

Sexiest mouth in music: Emmylou Harris. I draw portraits of her in pencil and struggle to get her mouth just right!

And the all time dream girl! (Trouble and too tall but oh the dreams and desires II have had for the past 57 years for her!):


Eat your hearts out punks. Now that is a great rock and roll harem! And (with one exception) age appropriate.

Captain Al

Dee Generate said...

PP Arnold - but definitely no pp stuff
Annie Lennox, in her Elvis getup from the Grammys
Lily Allen - I bet she's a wildcat
Neko Case - she would definitely take charge
Jennifer Lopez - no, not the Eric Cartman's hand version
Celine Dion - only because I'd talk in a bad Canadian accent while we're doin' it, eh

pronounced gen er ahh tay

Dee Generate said...

Toni Price - Austin's finest
drunk Amy Winehouse - because she wouldn't remember anything
Lurleen Lumpkin - the singing waitress from Spittle county

Tinpot said...

kate bush
katie melua (check her video for 9 million bicycles)
Julie driscoll
rosanne cash
mavis staples
suzy of stormin' norman and suzy.

ChrisE said...

Oh, one that I and everyone else forgot: Dusty Springfield.

Anonymous said...

No specific order:
Deborah Harry
Olivia Newton-John (esp. in Grease)
Norah Jones
Michael Steele
Margo Timmins (esp. doing Sweet Jane on Tonight Show)
Linda Ronstadt (esp. cover of Hasten Down The Wind)
Michelle Phillips
Joan Jett (even better than Simels' vid is her doing Roadrunner, also on Letterman)

C in California

steve simels said...

C in California:

Michael Steele was my favorite Bangle.

Alzo said...

OMG, I can't believe I forgot Michelle Phillips. Forgive me, Mama.

Mary Travers - one fine looking beatnik
France Gall
Agnetha Fältskog

FYI, Dusty Springfield- lovely voice but she played on the other team.

Anonymous said...

Jackie DeShannon: She’s one classy lady.

Re Evie Sands: Steve, you plugged her latest album, “Get Out of Your Own Way,” three years ago in this space. I finally bought it, along with her EP “Shine for Me,” for myself for Christmas directly from her web site. She graciously autographed both CDs and inscribed them in my name. Another classy lady! She still looks and sounds great and both discs are wonderful!

Old Dave said...

Kim Deal - Pixies/Breeders

Totally agree with Neko Case; see King Tut leggings, Brill Bruisers on Letterman (New Pornographers)

edward said...

No Carly Simon? Really?

Anonymous said...

Is Carly Simon cute? I never looked that high. ;-)

Alzo said...

Before you close this thread, two words: Suzi Quatro

GLLinMO said...

Marti Jones. I shall never forgive Don Dixon for taking her from me.