Friday, December 21, 2007

Weekend Listomania (Special Armadillo in the Trousers Video Edition)

Well, it's Friday and you know what that means. Yes, my Oriental manservant Hop-Sing and I are off to Princeton University to attend the Annual Northern New Jersey Organgina Festival with our old chastity buddy Francisco Nava ('09). Obviously, there'll be no hanky-panky of any kind, at least for a few days, so posting by moi will be necessarily sporadic for a while.

But in my absence, here's a fun project for you all to contemplate:

All-Time Top Pop/Rock Male Sex Object
You know -- the cutest, the hottest, the most historically significant, the one that you most wanted to be or boink. However you define it, either solo artist or in a band.

Alert readers will, of course, recall that last week I posted my fave female pop/rock eye candy, so it seems only logical to flip the premise this time out. And to bring in an expert from the other team.

Therefore, please give it up for special guest blogger the divine Brooklyn Girl, who will now offer her carefully considered Top Ten, along with accompanying pithy and mildly salacious comments.

Go get 'em, BG!!!

10. Barry Gibb

Those legs! Those teeth! That hair! And a falsetto to die for. Where would John Travolta be without him?

9. Steven Tyler

So he has a mouth bigger than the Holland Tunnel, he moves like a spastic marionette, and you wouldn't bring him home to meet your mother … he'd either try to ball her or he'd raid her scarf drawer. But still ...

8. Prince

Name me one other small-boned man who can wear ruffles, purple suits, eye make-up and high heels, and still come across suavely macho. Oh, did I mention that he can dance, too?

7. Lou Reed

Sullen and volatile … art rock's bad boy. And who can resist a bad boy?

6. Bruce Springsteen

Somewhere along the line, when Bruce cleaned himself up a little and discovered free weights, he got hot. He's usually pretty discreet, but when he stands up and slowly adjusts the microphone … I can't imagine what he's implying there, can you?

5. Jeff Beck

I know he doesn't sing. And maybe he doesn't even play rock (he's the only one of the Yardbirds' guitarists not in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame). And yes, he has a big nose (but we know what that means … or is it big hands? Either way, he's got it covered). Anyway, no other guy exudes such heat without even opening his mouth. Especially one who is over sixty.

4. Jim Morrison

Leather pants? In 1967? Oy gevalt.

3. Michael Hutchence

Okay, maybe he's somewhat derivative of the previous guy on the list, but he positively oozes lust out of every pore ... he's not exactly subtle (after all, he's wearing a pin that says "SEX") but if I looked and moved like that, I wouldn't be subtle, either.

2. Mick Jagger

Always in control, always in command. He put it right out there forty years ago (talk about eye-fucking the camera!)...

...and he still does.

1. Elvis Presley

The Once and Future King. Even after 50 years. Not only was he astoundingly handsome, he had that perfectly curled lip, the little shoulder twitch, and the famous Sulllivan-banned pelvis …no wonder the girls squealed.

Okay -- those are BG's picks. So who are your faves? And by the way -- is it getting warm in here, or is just me?

[special thanks for kibbitzing: slutty jewish girl]

[Editor's note: Steve asked me to post this for him while he was away. Kid C.]


NYMary said...


We never get over the ones that define us in our teens.

TMink said...

Teen crushes are indeed powerful!

Now I always wanted to be Jimi Hendrix or Mark Farner or Todd Rundgren.

I am a little surprised that Jimi did not make the list, but it may be a woman thing and I wouldn't understand.


NYMary said...

Does that Across the Universe boy count?

Anonymous said...

That dude who sang "Major Tom"

Anonymous said...

I know for Mrs. Gummo it's John Lennon and Jack White.

She likes her some smart gee-tar players.

TJWood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TJWood said...

It's early in this blog, but somewhere down the line Chris Isaak has to turn up. Might as well be here. The one's I wanted to be and/or have are of the clean-cut, preppy variety--Marshall Crenshaw, for example. No Robert Plants or Axl Roses here. Clive Gregson in the 1981 Any Trouble video from the other day also works for me.

tikistitch said...

Man, great list. *fans self*

I have to agree that Jimi belongs here though - he could go out wearing a feather boa and his mom's floppy hat and STILL be Mr. Maximum Utmost.

Can I also nominate Eddie Vedder, or is that a Northwest Grunge Girl thang? Just, if you've ever seen him during live versions of "Black" screaming "we belong together" - wow.

Also, for my fellow geek girls AND guys, Michael Stipe always seemed a universal object of desire.

Anonymous said...

This being a power pop blog, I'm kind of surprised Eric Carmen hasn't been mentioned yet. Granted those early seventies outfits haven't aged well, but from what I remember watching the Raspberries on Don Kirschner's Rock Concert he had the rock star swagger and attitude. How else could you get away with pronouncing four as a two syllable word?

And, John Doe (X / Knitters) is charismatic, but not in a cartoonish way that a few on this list are.


steve simels said...

Im still amazed that there wasn't a Beatle on the list.

And I always liked the guitar player in Prince's Little Red Corvette video -- Dez Deckerson?

Thought he was very cool, visually.

Anonymous said...

Even though Terry Bozzio was quite the cutie back in the day (even if I had to share him with Punky Meadows).

However, I'll have to cast my vote for Dave Gilmour in the early 70's and those dreamy eyes.

Etchasketchist said...

Glad Prince showed up to hold it down for the brothers. Otherwise it's just a bunch of dorky white dudes. No Marvin Gaye, no Sam Cooke, no Miles Davis, no Fela Kuti, no Otis Redding, no Jimi Hendrix, no Sly Stone, no Barry Gibb was cute though. And Jeff Beck is dreamy. Oh and Elvis, homey sure could rock a jumpsuit.

Anonymous said...

Just driving by ...

Yes, Hendrix should have been on the list. Strictly an oversight on my part.

As far as the Beatles are concerned, I thought about them (having grown up with them and thus experiencing Beatlemania to the fullest) but l didn't want to separate them and single one of them out as the sex symbol. However, even though my adolescent fantasies were about George, I think John became the most intriguing after they broke up.

Cleveland Bob said...

I'll second half glass full's John Doe thang. My wife finds him tres dreamy.

She also likes Bryan Ferry, Elvis Costello, Paul Weller and she nearly swooned when we chatted up Glenn Tilbrook one time.

MBowen said...

Me, I always wished I looked like Brian Jones.

zhochaka said...

What, no mention of Marc Bolan?

OK, he came from only a few miles away, and I was still too young when he dies.

And then there is David Bowie

Anonymous said...

Lindsey Buckingham is a contender.

steve simels said...

MBowen said...

Me, I always wished I looked like Brian Jones.


I think of every pop star since I became sentient he's the one I always wanted to be.

Put him down in a striped shirt and white jeans with a Gibson Thunderbird in any band to this day and he'd still be the coolest guy in the room....

Anonymous said...

Me, I always wished I was more like Buddy Holly.

trifecta said...

Eric Carmen should be disqualified as an alternate due to his really bad hairstyles in the 80's.