Well, it's Friday and you know what that means. Yes, my Oriental manservant Hop-Sing and I are off to the Japan Monkey Center where between swills of hot rice wine we'll also be air-lifting space heaters to freezing Madagascar lemurs. As a result, posting by moi will necessarily be sporadic for a few days.
But in my absence, here's a fun project for you all to contemplate:
ALL-TIME MOST VAGUELY OR GROSSLY OFFENSIVE SONG OR VIDEO!!!!
You know -- one that's in ridiculously bad taste, politically obnoxious, or just annoying on some level other than aesthetics.
Okay, here's my top of my head Top Ten:
10. The Bouoys -- Timothy
I don't know what's creepier -- the fact that it's a bubblegum song about cannibalism, or that it was written by Rupert Holmes.
9. Staff Sgt. Barry Sadler -- Ballad of the Green Berets
Next stop is Vietnam!! Whoopee, we're all gonna die! BTW, Sadler went on to be a noted collector of Hitler memoribilia.
8. Dickie Lee -- Laurie (Strange Things Happen)
The ultimate teenage death song, with the added sick twist that she's a ghost. Think "The Sixth Sense" for morons.
7. Frank and Nancy Sinatra -- Something Stupid
Or as we used to call it back in the day, "The Incest Song." 'Nuff said.
6. G.G. Allin -- Needle Up My Cock
This guy had so many tender love madrigals it's hard to pick one. Of course, he did have the good grace to actually die for our sins....
5. Napoleon XIV -- They're Coming to Take Me Away (HaHa)
Me, I think this one's funny, but actual crazy people disagreed and got it banned in some markets. Interesting....
4. Madonna -- Open Your Heart
42nd Street peep show jerkoff palaces as a cute rite of passage for adolescent boys? Yuk. This is the video I show people when they tell me how smart Madonna is....and yes, I know it sold.
3. The Crystals -- He Hit Me (And It Felt Like A Kiss)
Let's hear it for spousal abuse!!! Seriously, Carole King wrote this as a sort of protest song, but producer Phil Spector kind of missed the point (in retrospect, not much of a shock).
2. Buju Banton -- Boom Bye Bye
Granted, there's a large selection of offensive hip-hop and rap records out there, but this one, which suggests it might be a good idea to off gay men, kind of screamed for inclusion. Of course, in its defense, it is largely unintelligble, even with a lyric sheet.
But the hands down, most twisted sick record of all time is without question ---
1. Bobby McFerrin -- Don't Worry, Be Happy
"Ain't got no place to lay your head/Somebody came and took your bed/Don't worry, be happy..."
Tell that to a real homeless person, asshole. Seriously -- as my old colleague Glenn Kenny famously wrote about this song in the Village Voice, there's only one possible response to it:
Okay -- what are your faves?