Well, it's Friday and you know what that means. Yes, my Oriental manservant Hop-Sing and I are booked on a flight to Las Vegas, where we will be having a clandestine rendezvous with some vendors of possibly suspect sports memorabilia. Hop-Sing tells me one of the dealers starred in the Naked Gun movies, so naturally I'm beside myself with the thought of meeting that silver fox Leslie Nielsen. In any case, posting by moi will necessarily be sporadic until we return.
In the meantime, here's a little puzzler for you:
Worst Album Ever Made by a (Theoretically) Important Pop/Rock Artist!!!!!!
You know -- an album so skull-crushingly annoying and/or stupid that it's very existence is an assault on human dignity. Or else one that just sorta sucks in a "what where they thinking?" kind of way.
My totally top of my head Top Seven:
7. Elvis Costello -- Almost Blue (Almost dreck is more like it)
6. U2 -- Zooropa (Note to Bono, the Edge, et al: If you feel the overwhelming need to totally reinvent yourself, break up and start a new band)
5. Bob Dylan -- Self Portrait (although the version of "The Boxer," where Dylan duets with himself in his protest era and "Nashville Skyline" voices is pretty funny)
4. Elvis Presley -- Having Fun With Elvis on Stage (I know it's shooting fish in a barrel, but still...)
3. Lou Reed -- Metal Machine Music (ditto)
2. Paul McCartney -- just about any record he made from the late 70s till now (although the current album is kind of cute)
and last but not least --
1. Guns N' Roses -- Use Your Illusion I and II
Why does UYI suck? Well, for starters, the songs seem endless (see "November Rain," whose nine minutes feel more like ninety). The production's a subaquatic mess. Axl's vocals, when they're not so over the top they sound like a Jim Brewer parody, suggest the yowlings of a meth-crazed ferret but without the charm. Slash's vaunted guitar moves are mostly anemic sounding and/or cliche squiggles (Slash, you're no Johnny Thunders if you know what I mean). And the overall theme and feel of the thing is best described as a gigantic pre-adolescent temper tantrum; it's less the sound of a band than that of a bratty two year old banging on a highchair. In short, UYI is awful on multiple levels, with numerous demerits added for the chutzpah of releasing it as seperate albums rather than a double (and we all know that as a rule most double albums suck).
So -- over to you, kids. What's your worst?