Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Your Tuesday Moment of the Worst Fucking Thing Ever

From 2019, it's the horrible Satanic evil that is Maroon 5 and their inexplicable (and inexplicably awful) hit single "Memories."



Seriously -- as you can hear, it's a version of Pachelbel's fucking Canon(!) with incredibly stupid lyrics(!!) and A FUCKING AUTO-TUNED VOCAL BY THAT UNCTUOUS SCHMUCK ADAM LEVINE!!!

I was fortunate enough not to have been exposed (I use the term usually associated with the coronavirus deliberately) to that song until last week. And I'm gonna be ranting about these putzes a lot more in the next couple of days/weeks, but let's just establish the bottom line:

This is the absolutely worst fucking "rock" band who ever sold 120 million plus records. And the fact that an asteroid didn't hit them on-stage at their most recent concert, wherever that was, is proof positive of the non-existence of God.

Oh by the way, they stank it up on Saturday Night Live as well. Even though they were, unlike some other musical acts (ahem) on the show, at least technically performing live.

By which I mean that they weren't dead.



Seriously -- in my entire professional career as a music listener, there has never been a worse hugely successful band than these shitheads. Who are utterly lacking in charisma, originality, personality, charm, sex appeal, body odor, or anything else that should make them interesting to any sentient mammal.



11 comments:

Sal Nunziato said...

I believe I have a little more patience for pop music than you do, but "Memories" is truly THEE most horrible piece of popular crap I have heard in a very long time. It made me yell "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE" at my computer screen.

Blue Ash Fan said...

They did do one good thing: they made one of my son's best friends a millionaire at 22. He co-wrote their (inexplicable) worldwide smash, "Moves Like Jagger."

Yes, they're godawful, but isn't "they stank it up on Saturday Night Live" pretty much an apt description of every "musical" guest they get on there nowadays?

Now, you kids get off my lawn!

DrBob said...

With this rocket packed with such tat-slapping, degraded and overexposed material they are headed to the dog star baby!

Anonymous said...

Someday you clueless puds will all hang your heads in shame when Maroon 5 gets elected to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the only way you get in is to pay the admission at the door.

😜

Captain Al

mistah charley, sb, ma, phd, jsps said...

'this love' is actually a catchy tune and i heard it with pleasure on the radio from time to time over the last decade or so - no other song from maroon 5 has seemed nearly as good to me, however

BG said...

I FUCKING HATE AUTO-TUNING.

Anonymous said...

What's wrong with Auto-Tune? It has eliminated the need for singers to be competent which been a boon for all of us music lovers and created the glorious musical era we now are living in.

I'm sure The Rock & Rool Hall of Fame will erect a new wing just to celebrate Auto-Tunes contributions to modern music. Maybe we could tweek Robert Johnson's vocals with Auto-Tune so the box set could be released again. And Maroon 5 can add backing vocals.

��

Captain Al

cthulhu said...

You’re spelling it wrong - should be Moron 5

Jim G said...

Always liked "Payphone." That said, they have I don't really like anything else by them.

Alzo said...

Catching up late with this one. Ugh and ugh. "Unctuous Schmuck Adam Levine" should become his go-to moniker, like "Millionaire Bruce Wayne." I would bet old Adam directed this vid hisself, seein' as it's one continuous close-up. BTW, autotune is to this era as tambourine was to the 60s and cowbell to the 70s. Except, like 80s syndrums, it sucks.

John Werner said...

A band? Really? It's a shitty solo act with backing hacks.