Friday, January 22, 2010

Weekend Listomania (Special HCR Audio/Video Edition)

Well, it's Friday and you know what that means. Yes, my Oriental flourish of strumpets avatar Fah Lo Suee and I will be taking an emergency meeting with former nude model turned Massachusetts senator Scott Brown [R-pimped his daughters].

Actually, that's not strictly accurate. In real life, I'll be in New Jersey helping my mom celebrate her 90th birthday (Hi, mom!) but I figured it was worth saying simply to get up the nose of a sensitive reader who took offense to my making fun of a certain well-known theocratic nutcase in last week's Listomania. And if that sounds meanspirited -- hey, it's been a very irksome week.

In any event, further posting by moi will have to be sporadic for a day or two.

In the meantime, then, here's a hopefully fun little project for us all:

Best or Worst Post-Elvis Pop or Rock Song Referencing Doctors, Medicine or Just Your Health in General!!!

Yeah, yeah, I think I might have done this one before, but I'm senile, and as it turns out, there was news last week -- seriously -- that gingko biloba actually doesn't help memory at all. So this subject has obvious personal resonance.

I'm sorry...have we been introduced?

Anyway, no arbitrary rules of any kind. Go nuts.

Hey -- there are pears in my Jell-O!!!!

And my totally top of my head Top Seven are:

7. The Velvet Underground -- Lady Godiva's Operation

Lou Reed and John Cale's pathetic commercial sell-out attempt at a Top 40 hit single.

6. Madness -- Cardiac Arrest

I'd actually forgotten how much fun these guys were. Love that xylophone solo!

5. Frank Black -- Headache

Great song, but when I watch the video I think -- for a fat guy, he doesn't sweat much.

4. Joe Jackson -- Cancer

As in "everything gives you..." And this was from Joe's big mainstream commercial breakthrough album, ironically.

3. The Beatles -- Dr. Robert

If memory serves, the real life meth-dispensing Park Avenue doc the Beatles are referencing here is the same one who used to peddle speed to the Warhol crowd, thus lending credence to the rumor that Brian Epstein was a big fan of the Velvets first album. Come to think of it, I seem to recall reading somewhere that Lou Reed actually took a meeting with Epstein in '67 to discuss management, but for whatever reasons -- including Epstein's sudden death, obviously -- it never came to anything. History sure would have been changed in unfathomable ways if it had, of course.

2. James Brown --I Feel Good

And who can argue with that?

And the numero uno song brought to you by the Aetna Insurance Group quite self-evidently is ---

1. Humble Pie -- I Don't Need No Doctor

I would just like to go on record as saying that I have never been able to listen to this track without laughing. Seriously. I inevitably visualize it being sung by four screaming gay midgets. I have no idea why that is, but it's true.

Alrighty, then -- and what would YOUR choices be?

[Shameless Blogwhore: My parallel Cinema Listomania -- theme: best or worst big screen debut by an actor or actress -- is now up over at Box Office. As always, I would be your BFF if you could see your way to going over and leaving a comment, even though there's not a single gratuitous Avatar joke. Thanks!]


steves said...

Happy Birthday, Mrs. Simels!!!

Let's get this party started with "Bad Case of Loving You" by Robert Palmer.

Unknown said...

"Dear Doctor" - Rolling Stones

Tierra Madre Horse Sanctuary said...

As long as Jeffrey's on the Stones, how 'bout "Sister Morphine"?

Or The Searchers' "Love Potion Number Nine"?

Or The Rascals' "Good Lovin'"?

And Happy Birthday, Mom!

Woody (Tokin Librul/Rogue Scholar/ Helluvafella!) said...

Natal anniversary, old chap? Truly? May it be MOST happy.

As to the topic: Doctor, my eyes--Jackson Browne; Bad case of lovin' you--Robert Palmer...

Anything by Dr. John, just about...

David said...

Happy birthday, o wise one!
Here are some songs for what ails you:
Boogie Disease: Dr. Ross (a medical song by medical artist)
Why Does it Hurt When I Pee?: Frank Zappa
Calling Doctor Love: Kiss
Sick Again: Led Zeppelin
Medication: Chocolate Watch Band
25 Pills: 28th Day
Waiting Room: Fugazi
And perhaps the most explicit example of a medical consultation in song:
Coconut: Nilsson

Gummo said...

I'd like to nominate the Grateful Dead's for Good Lovin', only because there's an infamous version from Princeton, New Jersey on April 17, 1971, during which Pigpen does a wild 15-minute monologue about getting thrown out of the house by his "ol' lady", meeting up with an old friend who's now a pimp, availing himself of the services of the pimp's least expensive girl, and having to go to the doctor a week later with the clap.

Phil Lesh singled it out as one of Pig's greatest performances.

David said...

On that note, I guess I should add "The Clap" by Steve Howe/Yes.

Noam Sane said...

Jeebus that VU tune is (predictably) awful.

Mrs. S is a nonagenarian. Many more!

Aretha's "Dr. Feelgood" leaps immediately to mind.


Dr. Howard! Dr. Fine! Dr. Howard!

(here's some weirdness for you: I just paged down and my verification word is


no, really).

Anonymous said...

"Just like Tom Thumb's Blues" by that Zimmerman fellow ("and my best friend my doctor won't even tell me what it is I've got")

"Rock 'n' Roll Doctor," Little Feat

cthulhu said...

Obviously, the answer is:

My Shit's Fucked Up, Warren Zevon, from the "Life'll Kill Ya" album. From the same disc, we also have the genuinely poignant Don't Let Us Get Sick, written before he was diagnosed with his terminal cancer.

Then there's Feelin' Alright from Traffic (written and lead vocal by Dave Mason). I confess I prefer the original version to the admittedly funkier Joe Cocker cover.

Obligatory Who song: Go to the Mirror, from Tommy.

word verification: proud

fmcg said...

The Kinks' "Schizophrenia."

Warm regards and many happy returns to Sunny!

TMink said...

While I have been scooped on the songs I thought of, let me say, as an official member of a political minority on this blog, that I laughed outloud at the (pimped his daughters) comment.

Good one.

And happy birthday to your mom! Many more for her and you and all of us.


J. Loslo said...

Pills- Bo Diddley
Doctor Wu- Steely Dan
Jug Band Music- Lovin' Spoonful

dave™© said...

Well, you could plug in just about any mid-sixties Dylan number since they were all about shooting up.

dave™© said...

Oh, and speaking of "Lady Godiva's Operation" - "Lola," anyone? Hel-LO!!!

dave™© said...

And let's not forget Ray Stevens' magnum opus, "Jeremiah Peabody's Polyunsaturated Quick-Dissolving Fast-Acting Pleasant-Tasting Green and Purple Pills."

TMink said...

Needle Time - Elvis Costello


steve simels said...

I've been waiting for somebody to nominate The Cramps' "Stay Sick!"

I know, it's an album title not a song, but still...

Feral said...

The Who - The Real Me
Matthew Sweet - Sick of Myself
Traffic - Medicated Goo
Phish - Down With Disease
Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb
Nervous Norvus - Transfusion

Dan said...

Well it seems so obvious, but someone's got to say it: 98.6 by Keith.

Anonymous said...

"Mother's Little Helper" seems apt on Sunny's birthday...

David said...

Steve, your "Stay Sick" suggestion reminds me of the brilliantly abrasive "Touch Me I'm Sick" by Mudhoney. Sounds like the beginning of an inspired mixtape.

MBowen said...

A brilliant record and video:

The Avalanches - Frontier Psychiatrist

MBowen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Libby Spencer said...

Most of mine have been taken already, but want to wish Mrs Simels a very happy birthday.

And I think no one has said

White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane

19th Nervous Breakdown - Stones

Can't Always Get What you Want -Stones (went down to the Chelsea drugstore - to get my prescription filled...

Wendy said...

"Cardiac Party" - Jack Mack & The Heart Attack

"Nausea" - Beck

"I'm Movin' Out" - Billy Joel

"Sick Day" - Fountains of Wayne

And my word is "excess" ... I kid you not!

Unknown said...

"The Shape I'm In"

All the others already got got, I'm afraid. Happy Birthday to your Mom, Steve, and enjoy the party.

Dan said...

"Chemo Limo" by Regina Spektor

steve simels said...

The Avalanches - Frontier Psychiatrist.

Oh. Dear. God. That's fricking priceless....

John Fowler said...

First, may I particular appreciate: Mr Simels for 'Dr. Robert' & 'I Feel Good'; T.M.H.S. for 'Love Potion #9'; Feral's 'Real Me' & 'Sick of Myself'; and MBowen, for that Avalanches video that MUST be seen.

and, Here are a few that haven't been mentioned yet:

Graham Parker - "Lady Doctor", from Howlin' Wind. I am not aware of a better album, by anyone. Equal yes, better no.

The Pogues - "The Sick Bed of Cuchulainn", from Rum Sodomy and the Lash

Suzanne Vega - "99.9 F°", from the album of the same name

The Jam - "The Bitterest Pill (I Ever Had to Swallow)", (a single); I have it on Greatest Hits

Big Audio Dynamite - "Medicine Show", from This is Big Audio Dynamite.

The New Pornographers - "The Bleeding Heart Show", from Twin Cinema. Didn't I get this YouTube link from this blog? Has to be one of my favorite clips ever...

and Happy Birthday to Mrs. Simels!

John Fowler said...

That's =particularly= appreciate...

Wendy said...

"Whiter Shade of Pale" - Procol Harum

I was feelin' kinda seasick ...

Libby Spencer said...

Wait... No one said Dr. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band?

Unknown said...

They're Coming to Take Me Away - Napoleon the 14th
Boom Boom - The Monochrome Set
The Loved Ones - Elvis Costello & The Attractions
DOA by (I can't remember who)
Hospital - The Modern Lovers
You Can't Be To Strong - Graham Parker and the Rumour

Anonymous said...

T.B. Sheets - Van Morrison
Nausea - X
The Jack - AC/DC (Best VD song evah!)
Industrial Disease - Dire Straits
Play It All Night Long - Warren Zevon
(Only song in rock history to name-check "Brucillosis" - a cattle disease, IIRC... - bill buckner

Unknown said...

did I miss "Doctor,Doctor" a great Entwhistle song from the Who's US Magic Bus LP?

Dan said...

Oh, and "Doctor's Orders!" By, um... (excuse me one moment...) by Carol Douglas! Also a hit for Sunny and Sue in the UK and South Africa. Written by Roger Cook, Roger Greenaway and Geoff Stephens!

Bob S. said...

The Flamin Groovies "Slow Death"

Bob S. said...

Rockin' Pneumonia and the Boogie-Woogie Flu ?

Who Am Us Anyway? said...

Kinks, Have Another Drink it'll make you feel better -- "but don't take my word for it; try it yourself"