Friday, March 13, 2009

Weekend Listomania (Special A Rose is a Rose is a Rose Video Edition)

Well, it's Friday and you know what that means. Yes, my Oriental She Who Could Bop On My Shmeckel Pretty Good account manager Fah Lo Suee and I will be travelling to...well, I can't tell you, but it involves Ann Coulter, a highly skilled surgeon, and an endicronologist to be named later. Other than that, my lip is unfortunately zipped.

In any case, posting by moi will necessarily be sporadic for a few days.

But in my absence, here's a fun project for you all to contemplate:

Stupidest Post-Beatles Band Name Ever!!!

Self-explanatory, obviously, so no arbitrary rules this time, except it has to be a real band that actually charted. Some guys you knew in college named Rubella and the Dead Little Girl who played one gig at a frat party in 1988 don't count. Okay? Oh, and by stupid, I basically mean that the people who thought it up thought it was cool at the time, but they were sadly mistaken.

Thank you. And apologies if I've done this category before -- I'm old, I'm overstressed, and I'm totally out of gingko biloba.

Okay, here's my totally top of my head Top Five:

5. Spandau Ballet

These guys were the lamest ever, but the name was the last straw. Seriously -- why not Auschwitz Mambo? Or Treblinka Gavotte?


4. Shadowfax

Trust me, I thought this was a stupid name before I saw Lord of the Rings. And man, was that disconcerting -- "Why is there a horse in this movie named after a crappy 90s New Age band?"

3. Anthrax

Oh yeah, real cool -- name yourself after one of the all time loathsome diseases. Although, I must admit that after the post-9/11 anthrax attacks, I thought the new name they gave themselves -- Basket Full of Puppies -- was pretty funny.

2. Tool

I was going to go with Limp Bizkit, for obvious reasons, but on reflection I think this is even dumber. Dudes, why not just call yourself pud, for crying out loud.

And the number one dopey rock band name, c'mon, you're thinking exactly the same thing, obviously is --

1. Whitesnake

Racist, sexist and sublimely stupid. It's like the Trifecta of Embarassing Crap.

Awrighty then -- what would your choices be?

[Shameless Blogwhore: My parallel Cinema Listomania -- theme: most memorable adaptations of a literary classic -- is now up over at Box Office. As always, if you could see your way to going over there and leaving a comment, it would help convince management that I'm worth the exorbitant freelance rate I'm charging them. Thanks!]


Anonymous said...

If it's not Toad the Wet Sprocket, well, I just don't know what to think about you people.

C'mon ... whaddya say? Can I get an amen?

Anonymous said...

There were several psychedelically-challenged band names that were pretty awful: Strawberry Alarm Clock and 1910 Fruit Gum Company come immediately to mind.

And the Raspberries? C'mon, that's a name for a girl group. Career suicide.

Anonymous said...

Toad the Wet Sprocket is pretty awful, too. I agree.

Noam Sane said...

The Innocence Mission.

I'm on a find my innocence. Come along, and revel in my tragic introspection. There will be peasant dresses and crappy songs about grandmothers.

TJWood said...

I was going to mention Toad, but can come up with five more--in no particular order of ridiculousness--of recent, or relatively recent, vintage.

1) Hoobastank

2) Hootie and the Blowfish

3) The Red Jump Suit Apparatus

4) The Airborne Toxic Event (discussed a few months previous on this blog. MBowen's brief critique of their modern rock mega-annoyance, "Sometime Around Midnight", was, for my money, the review of 2008.)

And no list of horrid band names is complete without

5) Kajagoogoo

dave™© said...

When I was in college, I wanted to do a show on the college radio station under the name "Robert W. Anthrax".

They weren't into the "punk" thing then, though, so it didn't fly. If I'd waited another year or so...

dave™© said...

Strawberry Alarm Clock and 1910 Fruit Gum Company come immediately to mind.

Lothar and the Hand People, to name but a few...

dave™© said...

And let us not forget the United States of America, a band which our Esteemed Host saw, IIRC, in college...

danny1959 said...

What's a "shmeekel?"

Anonymous said...

Am I putting a target on my head if I say The Band? I mean, jeeez, could you be a little more self-important?

Anonymous said...

Thank you, BG.

... and Hoobastank.

Great gobs a spit, what were they on to there?

May I just say, too, that, although I groove to Mexican Radio as much as the next guy, the name Wall of Voodoo brings me the quease.

Feral said...

Add any number of Hair/Metal bands e.g. Slayer, Poison, etc.


Mott the Hoople, although the freak show reference seems appropriate.

Anonymous said...

Hoobastank, Hootie, Kajagoogoo... TJWood got them all, so I'm left with Barenaked Ladies, which reeks of infantilism.

TMink said...

While I agree about the name of Spandau Ballet, I must admit to liking their song Muscle Bound. I am not sure why, but there it is.


steve simels said...

dave™© said...
And let us not forget the United States of America, a band which our Esteemed Host saw, IIRC, in college...

I did indeed. However, I did not see their successor band, whose name I remain ambivalent about -- Joseph Byrd and the Field Hippies.

Incidentally, I did also see Lothar and the Hand People open for the Byrds in 1966, and despite the crappy name, they were, who as exciting, musically interesting and charismatic a group as I have ever had the pleasure to encounter.

Hmm...I think I need to do a Fun with Downloads on those guys....

Sal Nunziato said...

Clandestine Whiz.

(They opened for my band in 1983)

Anonymous said...

The name Blodwyn Pig always cracked me up. I'm sure it had some historical significance, but it just made me laugh.

In terms of sheer stupidity and laziness, though, nothing tops The The and Mr. Mister.

geor3ge said...

I'm glad Hoobastank has been roundly dissed, name and all. Every time I hear that mewling vocal on "The Reason" a little piece of my soul chews on tin foil.

Toad the Wet Sprocket is kind of dumb, but at least they had the Python reference going for them.

Anonymous said...

butthole surfers

Anonymous said...

Goo Goo Dolls.

Dead Kennedys.

Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Anonymous said...

you're slipping, steve.

you let a perfectly legitimate opportunity to work in a reference to the smashing pumpkins slip right through your fingers.

are you feeling okay?

steve simels said...

Smashing Pumpkins? Maybe my top ten...

Anonymous said...

adam & the ants
bush tetras
fine young cannibals

Anonymous said...

Jesus Jones
Hairclub 100
bow wow wow
flock of seagulls

Unknown said...

How about the Pendletones?

ms. rosa said...

bands with un-google-able names! 'the go', 'the action', 'them' and most recently the black protopunk band from 1975 detroit 'death'. grrrr! (though i *do* realize that adding the word 'myspace' will occasionally alleviate my perturbed state)

Anonymous said...

I'm astonished nobody's mentioned the band who's name, in my opinion, set's the standard for stupidity - The The
I don't care if they're the second coming of The Beatles, if that's the best you can come up with for a name I simply couldn't buy any of your material. Who knows, I might like it and may wish to recommend it to someone but there's no way I could say that idiotic name out loud

Kid Charlemagne said...

As far as powerpop bands go, I would have to say The Windbreakers.

Where they named after a jacket or for passing gas?

Anonymous said...

Where they named after a jacket or for passing gas?


Kid Charlemagne said...

How about the Pendletones?

They were just trying to get free shirts!

MBowen said...

I kind of like Spandau Ballet - it reminds me of one of my favorite band names: Trotsky Icepick. And Toad The Wet Sprocket, while silly, was at least taken from a Monty Python gag.

I agree with TJ Wood's list above, as well as others mentioned upthread like The Band, The Innocence Mission (kind of like the band, but the name is kind of icky), and The Goo Goo Dolls.

Other awful names are the stupid ones that are supposed to epater those poor, benighted bourgeoisie, like Anal Cunt, Cannibal Corpse, and Necrophagist.

Anonymous said...

I give you ... Sigue Sigue Sputnik.

... and they weren't even Russian.

Anonymous said...

There was a band that played CBGB's 20=25 yrs ago named "John Galt".

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Atomic Chicken

MBowen said...

Toe Fat

Somebody Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin

Dashboard Confessional

The Winkies


Anonymous said...

Toe Fat.

Dear god, I'd forgotten that one.

Libby Spencer said...

I'll give megisi an Amen. Only ones I can think of to add are:

Pacific Gas & Electric
The Turtles
The Electric Prunes
Government Mule

Not their music was bad, but the names were kind of stupid.

Libby Spencer said...

Oh, and speaking of Smashing Pumpkins, I saved this link for you Steve, in case you missed it. If you scroll down a bit they have a little anecdote about Billy Corgan testifying to Congress.

Noam Sane said...


Who Am Us Anyway? said...

Mudcrutch -- a terrific band howsomever.

Dave said...

People! -- that's their freakin' exclamation point, not mine -- and their biggest hit, "I Love You" is similarly annoying.

Noam Sane said...

"I Love You"

That's a Zombies tune, innit?

The Kenosha Kid said...

Ultimate Spinach

Mother Earth & The Final Solution

(both sixties Bay Area bands)

The Oneders

Mumblin' Jim

(fictional bands from movies)

Screaching Weasel

Anonymous said...

We got to Sunday and no one mentioned The Very Idea Of Fucking Hitler? How did that happen?

The Kenosha Kid said...

Because that's the BEST BAND NAME EVER.

Noam Sane said...

Of course, there also was a band named Fuck. How could there not be?

Anonymous said...

Lords of Acid.

Funny as hell, though.

James L. said...

A couple more for your consideration:

Cancer Bats

The people in these bands should get fucked.